Well, it’s there, if you look really really hard … heh. The watercolor paper came yesterday, much to my relief. I was considering starting a new acrylic painting because it was taking so long, and then it came, just as I had pulled out the new canvas and thought about what to paint seriously: a landscape or another watery Splash abstract … and there you have it.
I have been fairly exhausted and down since yesterday morning, rather inexplicably. I worked very hard with Tony on Menare Foundation work here in my studio for most of the day on Thursday but I didn’t feel exhausted at the end of the day, just when I woke up the next morning. Weird. So I’ve been resting, and gathering my pastels for the next piece, blues, pinks, grays and white, in preparation … and finally had the energy to do this preliminary sketch in gray just now …
Sometimes my response to a counseling session is that I am just exhausted, overwhelmed, and I need what we call, Jason and I, “low stim” time, where I go to the back bedroom where it is dark and quiet and incredibly soft, where Chipper usually joins me in his chair or on the bed, and we rest for hours on end. I meditate, or try to, usually not able to sleep, just trying to focus on my breathing, often coping with frequent memories and flashbacks, but able to rest for the most part and just … be … with as little stimulation and other triggers as possible. This usually allows me to recoup my energy, to recuperate, to regain my sense of time and place, to rejuvenate, and start the next day fresh.
Yesterday was like this when I woke up though, which was odd, instead of waking fresh as I normally do, I was dragging, dizzy, like I was going to fall out, and counseling was to be at noon. I rested after errands after counseling just kind of wishy washy, tired, listless, whereas earlier in the week I was edgy, like I was on a boat of emotions or on top of a volcano that was about to erupt. I never know quite what to expect, what is normal and what is to be expected as part of my diagnosis, so I usually have a lot of questions for my counselor, and she is great with helping me sort this sort of thing out.
We had a blast today, going to the farm stand, which just opened a few days ago, going to pick out an armoire for Jason’s clothes, running errands … just simple things. The garden is doing so well — Jason watered it this morning, with thirty trips, he says, and I think that’s about right, having done it myself, to do it right, and it shows, the plants glowing with moisture in the heat.
Some days it’s right to wear the orange sherbet shorts and pale pink ruffled tee — that would be today. Hee. Now to really get to this new painting. Sipping the Perrier with Lemon — Yum! Have a great Saturday!