Standstill …

… I could put lots of ellipses … I just can’t seem to get behind anything creative … even reading … oh well

Went to the neurologist on Wednesday and he upped my Topamax to 200 mg and doubled the Mobic, also prescribed 6 weeks of physical therapy for my neck at 2 times a week, which will start on the 22nd. Maybe it’s the meds that are taking a while to process in my system. Something is in super-slow gear. I’m really down, grieving. Bah. Been saying “Bah” a lot. Could say, “Meh” but “Bah” is working for me at the moment. Called but the bloodwork results from yesterday morning not in yet. Bah.

I cannot, literally cannot, express to you how beautiful the photograph of Cedar Breaks National Monument that Gaylord Robb sent me yesterday to paint. Is. Is. Is. Wow. I just sit here with the watercolor paper all taped down to the board and three ways to sketch it and just sit here … again with the ellipses … standstill … it’s not for want of beauty or inspiration … just can’t get behind anything yet.

Now laying in bed, tormented with shame and guilt that I’m laying in bed, wrestling with minute as they slowly pass me by with missed opportunity that I still have not as yet been able to get motivated … yes. That I can do. ARgh. Not that I’m not in physical, emotional and psychological pain, I’ll give me that. Plenty to wrestle with there.

Last night the large smoky quartz crystal in the left hand and the dark amethyst crystal cluster in the left helped calm me down, so I’m back to that.

It is a combination of things.

I’m looking forward to the weekend nonetheless. I’m looking forward to this wave of depression to break. I want you to see how beautiful this painting is going to be, because I can feel it, behind the huge wall. Something’s gotta give. It will come. Needed to check in. Thank you for your patience with me, and for listening. Happy Friday, nonetheless, eh?

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
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