Now we’re getting somewhere … right? You can kind of tell what it’s supposed to be? heh … I’m really liking the direction this is taking so far … and the colors … really fun to mix and deepen, lighten at will. Hope you like it, too!
In counseling today, after reading my journal entries for the past two times, we decided that I am in a serious grieving process over (Nameless) and so I should be. So there, I’ve said it, not like you couldn’t have noticed from the blog here, but oh, well. So no more guilt about standstills or loss of creative productivity, etc. Thought that bugs me to no end. So I can lay there aimlessly holding my stuffed animal, Lamby, don’t you be laughing at me, either, ’cause I’ll come and poke you in the side. This is serious stuff. So I can lay there with the soft warm fuzzies I need for the time being and just get what I need while I grieve for (Nameless) (curse words).
Parts of me think (Nameless) is super cool and wise and funny and parts of me, the adult knows better. In your normal grieving process you know you have these phases that don’t come in any regular order, like sadness, depression, crying, anger/rage, loss, denial, acceptance, shock, etc. And you non-multiple personality people (called “singletons”, sorry there isn’t a cooler name for you yet) deal and cope for an undetermined period of time with all your memories for however long you knew said lost person or entity and grieve accordingly and people understand and help you cope accordingly and etc., etc.
Well … this is kind of wierd. My entity memories has good memories and BAD memories that just came up three weeks or so ago that were really really BAD that make me want to throw the whole lot of (Nameless) out with the bath water. Fer real. And that is really hard because (Nameless) was all part of me for lots of memories’ worth, lots of love on my part for most of my child and adult life, so there is a lot of me involved to … ? … throw out? discount? tear out? cut out? lose? be betrayed? grieve? grieve. Mostly that. Gone gone. Sigh.
So let me have my Lamby. Nuff said.
Really liking the painting tho. Weather is lovely cooling and today I not only saw a live, whole, untouched, just hanging out cicada on the sidewalk … who I said Hi to and who rolled its sort of many eyes up at me in response … only to look up thereupon to see a hummingbird right after that! and meadowlarks in the middle of the road narrowly escaping the cars sleepily … dreamy wildlife somewhat dazed by the drop in temperature?
I got some great news this afternoon related to art, but it is tentative and pending until November, but I am hopeful, so I am blessed and thankful to have made it this far. Full of secrets I am! Hee hee.
Happy Friday! I hope that you have the fun this weekend!