Cedar Breaks Finitti, Shine On!

It’s all clean and stuff now. You can see the deets here:

http://www.amyjackson.cc/paintings/cedarbreakswc.html

Goes well with Well Thought Out Twinkles, Silversun Pickups, btw, or maybe that’s just me. Album to get. I added:  orange and white watercolor pencil, baby pink pastel. I was done. Finitti. I couldn’t think what else to do. It’s not like I could make it into this:

I mean, now, you see what I mean? but you see what I tried to do. Watercolor has its limits. I’m a bit 60s Pop still, what can I say. It’s IN me. I like that about me.

So, next I’m going to sketch for the pastel, and you better BELIEVE I’m sketching so that the background isn’t HUGE this time. Right. Stat.

Yesterday, woke up inexplicably, or for me, as things go with the PTSD/DID world, explicably, irritably/edgily. Stayed that way for most of the day.

Today weepy. Again, has nothing to do with anything that has HAPPENED during the span of said DAY. But said LIFETIME. Stat. Righto. Go to physical therapy. Said physical therapist is rightly skittish about aforementioned lymph lack of drainage system, and now, respiratory system. Seems my rib cage, which we have talked before about at length years ago, is pushed OUTwards. My ballet instructors were seemingly also not thrilled about this and also tried to get me to pull IN. No can do. In the waiting room today I tried to helpfully pull IN, only to have a flashback of a (Nameless) abuser sitting ON and doing (Nameless) things. Told said physical therapist and therein said problem of pushing out, problem with swimming lessons as an adolescent, fear of drowning, getting almost failing grades twice in college swimming classes, etc., etc. YES. We understand. Two breathing exercises later. … we understand. I’m referred to the lymph/respiratory specialist … and to my counselor to go through said breathing exercises to work out said traumas with said breathing exercises. …. very weepy … very MAD … and very helpless to reverse said system of lymph drainage and respiratory system that is now some decades old and quite beyond me, quite autoMATIC. sigh. quite helpless feeling.

Calls for a bit of … Cabernet and a bit of sketching. I hope. a lot of music.

Calls for calling Jason and emailing my counselor … only Verizon’s strike and she’s having trouble with their staff cutting the lines and such … not particularly helpful right now! just saying … hmmm but Jason quite helpful …

… now hours later feeling much less angry and still no sketch … but the new painting put carefully away and almost ready for the new sketch … almost done with the second glass of Cabernet … these things are most helpful … for breathing …

and Buddha Standard Time is just talking this chapter about how important it is to focus on breathing … so most helpful timing … very good very good … timing … yes, I’m listening, karma … we all shine on!

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s