Again I am humbled by even Nature, even rust in the original Red Cave photograph. I can’t compete, but I know I did my best, and I had the fun. That’s what counts, ultimately, sitting here, sipping a bit of Avalon Merlot. Right?
So the next piece shall be a surprise. Tomorrow morning I have the delight of getting my hair shorn, and in the afternoon I have the hope of starting a new sketch and perhaps painting in acrylic again, another thrill I look forward to.
For the past three weeks or so I’ve been encouraging the flashback alters to stay, to release their memories and pictures and feelings into the universe and hang out, about, stay with, whatever that means to them. So there’s been the feeling of lots of kid versions of me about, kind of a crowdedness and lots of voices, kind of fun, a mix of feelings. But then also, there were all of these triggers for my negative (to absolute zero, numbness, which has a function, actually, to an alter itself) self esteem lately, to where I hardly recognize my 46-year-old confident self. Wha? Wait a minute? I’ve worked so hard?
For today’s counseling session that was my offering. What to do? Apparently self-affirmations are key and this will take some time. Some … time. Like turning around grief and depression. I’m “up” for it.
Three days ago I was up for yoga again and it felt great to feel my Chi turning around and feel some actual energy again. This abdominal pain really wiped me out, energy-wise. Yow. So I’m happy about that.
The insurance company now is saying it does not authorize the CT scan that it previously authorized, literally hours before the scan. Yow. So, we will have to have some discussion there.
Positivity. Working on it. Always. On the up and up.