Here is the palette as set for the painting of Garewa, except for the Cobalt Blue, which I will save until it’s time for sky. It will dry out by then if I place it now. Everything else will be used before then so it’s okay to set them.
As in previous paintings, I was torn between figurative and expressionist, or this is what I call my struggle between form and expression, more abstract strokes, especially when it comes to water, or foliage. Oh, anything, really, when it comes down to it. Intuitive and logic, left and right brain. They do tend to want to have discourse about how things LOOK. This is truly lovely water to try to express, should you see the photo in the magazine, very yin/yang. So I’m having fun. Hard to stop working on it and not sure I’m done with it, but maybe I should be. Kind of like it the way it is.
Very rough couple of days where I just stayed immobile, except for have to’s like going to appointments, running errands, walking Chipper, housework, etc. Just blah. Not sleeping well. We did have great counseling yesterday, very productive but as my counselor said at first making these new patterns, new grooves in the mountaintop will feel like you’re faking it. Great new mantras, very good and simple, but just HARD.
We are (because I’m so fragmented, not I am) strong.
We are lovable.
We are loving.
We are loved.
This is all very hard, believe it or not. Very. Starting very small. You wouldn’t think it would you? Someone like me? But it’s true. I’m starting over from the beginning again. Building up from ground zero, because fall down go boom. (boom, little dust clouds pshahhhhhh!) Silence. Nothing moves. Like depression, like fatigue. Like the fricking flu. These things take time.
But … I did start and make a great deal of progress on the painting today, late in the day, but on the first day of October.
Hey, and I went to that Lymphedema meeting on Thursday and learned that they can help me but it’s not curable, that they will call to schedule me for a 3-6 week series of 5 days a week, 1.5 hour sessions per day, light massage sessions. And they have an exercise video that should help me with my (frickin) core. I worry about my core. Since I got a compression fracture in my lower back in that car accident in 1998, had lower back surgery in 2000, it’s been downhill keeping it in shape. I’ve done stomach crunches until they made me stop. Now I do yoga and try to swim when I can. Loopy. Arrgh. I do what I can but it’s a very important stronghold that is weak in me. So I worry and get help where I can. Kay. So there is hope.
The National Novel Writing Month in November is coming up and this year I have quite the project again, with Rebekah’s Closet to edit, this month and the next two. So I’m hoping to get the bug.
The weather seems to be changing today, too. Me likey. The candles are lit all over the house and we are snuggled in. Yum. I’m already excited about the holidays and ready to get a pumpkin.