Restorf Island V

Perhaps now it is more possible to see the tropical underbelly to come? I am veering away a bit from the sketch, which I rarely do, in order to follow the wonderful movement in the photo. In the photo, as well, there is a scuba man, who will NOT appear in the painting, but he does not mar the original movement of the colors around him, just a little splashing here and there he does. Thank you, minimalist scuba man.

Lovely time mixing the colors, just wonderful. Listening to Cocteau Twins, Lullabies to Violaine, Parts I and II. Ahhh. Quite beside myself into a mystical place. Still rather fatigued and sleepy from the deprivation and experiences of the past few weeks, so recovering. I was telling my counselor the other day that the new level of medication is like being in a smaller box, no don’t jump too HIGH, nor too LOW, thank you. So, kind of odd feeling, but not like some meds I’ve been on that totally put the bar DOWN on all feelings where you, well, it’s just not good, not numb, it’s nowhere, like ice cold nothingness, no one wants that feeling of not being alive, and that particular one had the needless and heartbreaking effect of causing me to gain from my then 105 lbs to 140 lbs. ! Oh, it was awful. None of my college clothes fit. Mummus would fit the girl, and who wants that? Just awful. Anyhoo. Over that. Much better place now, much better medication technology for me now. But a box effect nonetheless. It’s fitting me better every day as I’m bouncing around in it less.

Slept oh so much better last night and this morning for the first time in so many weeks it seems? Sigh. What a relief! I was still a bit shattered feeling driving to the appointment this morning, like, I wanted to say, look, I really don’t want anyone to touch me today, if that’s okay. Which never would have worked. But fortunately, the physical therapist could not have been any kinder or more understanding or more aware of her boundaries and mine. Perfect! I simply love well-trained health care staff. Yay!

Ended up with a fanned effect of medical taping on the back of each shoulder, after the very light massage therapy on each as well, to try to drain the fluid there. She called in the high priestess of lymphedema ultimately and they chatted over me happily until they decided the best option. I’m too tender in the belly for any lymph work there, oh well. The great news is that it doesn’t seem too serious, that they are going to call my regular physical therapist right away for what she can do to rebegin her work on my neck/shoulders and core exercises, and tomorrow they will see if the tape had any effect. They will also teach me more exercises for Jason and I to do at home. Great!

I came home much encouraged and for the first time called Chipper Mama’s Puppy, which he thoroughly enjoyed, took care of him, made the last of the popcorn, my second cuppa Joe, and rested, ahhhh. for about an hour or so, until I could feel my energy reviving. Then I practiced straight into Indian Summer, Loco Girl and Cool Wooden Crosses without warming up, and not so bad. So that’s good for not having warmed up, with very little stumbling. A little congested and hoarse though, so more practicing with full warmup tomorrow.

Then on to lovely painting time. Now for chicken soup, more herbal tea, and resting.

I’m almost finished with Buddha Standard Time. Have been reading about the importance of music to the brain, and sacred spaces. I cannot, CANNOT, express how much music plays a role in my daily life. I am constantly listening to music during the day, or hearing it in my dreams, singing in my dreams. I think I even sing out loud sometimes while I’m sleeping? eep? not so often or loudly, or Jason would have said. But from a little a girl from college to now … oh so very important in my life. Like blood! Like air! Believe it or not, the book even gave me ideas for new music to explore. So that’s good. Gregorian chants, of course, Mozart, who I have MEANT for decades to collect, and more.

In terms of sacred spaces, he was writing about how we compartmentalize our homes around eating, sleeping, etc., but why not around our sacred time? I do have a table in the bedroom set up with my crystals, one of my Buddhas, and in front of that is where I do my yoga, beside it is where I keep my yoga mat. But because of my back, I don’t do seated meditation — I’m meditating in some form, kind of, as much as I can ponder it, all the time, but especially when I’m resting, which is a lot of the day, and when I’m having trouble sleeping. Focusing on my breathing, etc. Dealing with troubling sensations, thoughts, feelings, flashbacks, internal dialogue, you name it, I try to manage it all through some kind of mediation, observer/host kind of peaceful/Buddhist presence. It has helped me so much over the years. And I am just an itty student still. Always. But we are strong, right? Yes.

Okay, time to rest. Doesn’t it feel like Friday already? It does to me. Soon come.

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
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