Petal Steppes I

I slept very well, but stuck like glue, blue, to the bed, this morning. My counselor emailed me back last night and said I should journal about the flashbacks. They come so very quickly they’re upsetting, I replied, I will try. And I did. Exhausting, saddening. Fifty words for Blue.

It’s raining today, which is conducive for Blue as well. So I wallow. I might as well feel it and get it out of my system, eh? I guess. Wearing a deep lavender blouse and the shadow cords for the first time. We got caught in the rain and only traversed the apartment complex briefly for walkies. I’ll take the Chipster out again post-counseling.

I’m very hopeful that a) session will be relieving and straightening to my attitude and b) the results of the MRI will be ready this afternoon for pickup. Mostly my eggs are in the former basket.

Looking forward to starting the new pastel. It was originally a landscape, but I started turning it round and round, and like this orientation the best for now.

Back from counseling a) and Community Radiology b).

a) Not as blue as I was. Hard to say how she does it. I wouldn’t say I’m relieved, but I’m not so blue as before. More numb. Like, I was putting the Bee in the garage because of the rain and the drops were cold on my skin and I couldn’t really care about them, feeling them. We talked about a TON of flashbacks I’ve had that I can’t record to you here. She recommends more journalling and that I try to make an hour or less available for focused abreactions/flashback time each day, to try to let the alters/hosts know that I’m listening, to organize the time. So maybe they won’t all try to speak at once. That sounds too painful for words, but I’ll try it … tomorrow.

b) All disks are normal except for C5-6 where there is trouble in River City, as it were. A right neural foraminal stenosis. However, no cord compression or canal stenosis. Yay! Right C6 radiculopathy (?) is recommended. Looked that up and that’s pt up to surgery if pt doesn’t work. Basically, we’ll see what the doctor says on Thursday.

Now, I’m a paint.

That above may not look like much but took a lot out of me, so must rest now. Besides, it’s another puzzle-piece painting. I have a lot of pinks to choose from, so I need to think about how to shape it from here. Also, I need to go fairly slowly. After this, I only have the one piece of watercolor paper left! Eek!

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit
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