Mortal Layer III

Yesterday was super-busy in many ways. I had two doctor appointments, yet went to three, one to pick up my prescription for Endocet. I saw my counselor first, then went to the surgeon’s office, then to the GI doctor, who referred me to Miralax, gave me a script for something else if that doesn’t work and told me about injections we can try if that doesn’t work. Wow. Then it was off to Safeway to get the scripts filled and pick up some groceries for breakfast. I was whooped, as they say, at the end of it all. So no blog yesterday.

And to top it all off, during dreaming overnight Thursday night, my subconscious released an alter with memories of abuse before I had my own room at home growing up, still sharing a room with my sister Claire. Wow. Great timing. But after counseling, a great session btw, I’m ready to journal about my feelings beneath my anger toward Nameless, no matter when the memories come. But still, it was a stressful day, and I was pretty spacey and dissociated going about my business.

It may actually snow tonight and tomorrow morning and I’m thankful that it won’t fall on a weekday morning. Jason hasn’t felt well since yesterday morning and we don’t know why, so he’s been alternately resting and cleaning. Yesterday he went through our CD collection when he was able, a huge task, and then we paired loose CDs for empty cases after that. Crazy. The best part is that we found Circlesongs by Bobby McFerrin, which I bought in Boston, many many years ago, and it’s now on the IPod to soothe me here and there. Absolutely LOVE that piece. Wore it out, but we found it, safe and sound.

Still today am in a fog, in part because Endocet is stronger than Percocet, in part due to the new memories, in part because the surgery is that much closer and I’m in a bit of denial/numbness.

Sent my email update out for February and it went out to all but like seven people, to which I’m something like spam and I will have to resolve at some point. Bah. But it’s good to reach out.

Now to paint for a bit. Still wanting to start and finish one more pastel before the surgery, but my energy and willpower are waning the closer I get to the date of the surgery so it may be mid-piece when the date comes. We shall see. I’m not too worried. Mid-piece may be better? I’m sure no matter where I am in my creative process, I will pick up where I need to be when I am able. I have faith in my inner creative light — it is a force that, although when it’s down I cannot force it to come up, when it is up I cannot resist it, and it does return, from somewhere in my soul.

Here goes:

Okay, it’s almost two p.m. here, time for rest. Have a great day!

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
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