I had a hard time putting the paint brushes down just now but I must rest. I feel the aches in my bones, mostly around my neck and shoulders. What a good thing to get tired doing, eh? I feel blessed in many ways, Jason’s new job, Spring, healing progressing very well, Chipper saying yes you may kiss me what choice do I have and I love it when you kiss me anyway?
Yes. He is reclined in the bed like some sort of dog god in the sunlight in the same place lo these many hours. What a good thing to get to do, eh? He is blessed and I am glad to help give him that respite from wherever we rescued him (from).
Gave the blood for the work this morning then to the drycleaners to drop off another piece of fabric for a maxi skirt to the ladies there who were delighted to get another one to make. I think I made their day. Then to Starbucks, then Safeway. Everyone spreading smiles and good mornings. Most everyone. Spring is like that. Glad to help spread the jy around.
Counseling is at five pm tonight because my counselor had a training. I’ve journaled lately and am prepared with things to work on. Was thinking while reading Chopra and his encouraging the reader to explore the mystery of the self, that because I have so many pieces I am often like, Who did that? Was that me? I don’t know that part? That I have a lot of accepting to do to feel whole. Feeling dissociated and a stranger to myself feels lonely a lot, ghostly a lot, part of my work is to reach out to my many pieces, selves and say, come home to me, you can stay. I’ve done a lot of that to the flashbacks, and they are so surprised, children mostly, to feel at home. They feel so isolated and estranged. That is why I feel like a new mother/Mom a lot.
But this is more for the adults. The angry ones who feel feelings I don’t like to admit I feel and who say things I don’t like to admit I think. They are bad. Warped. I have to forgive them their depravity and say you can stay while you are learning not to think that way, you fallen people you. I dare not say fallen angels.
But I’m supposed to be believing I have a clean heart. Maybe they are fallen angels to speak that way. Point to bring up to the counselor, for those angry ones. For angry is not a safe thing, angry is not a safe feeling — anger. Eww… us southern ladies have a problem with THAT.
Came home and slept. Got up and painted. And now I will rest again. Fun weekend planned.
Gratitude, blessings, and fallen somethings. I can accept that. Little by little.