And sometimes it is a glorious thing to be WRONG! For around 6 PM Saturday night, while still trying to rest after such a long day of writhing, really, about Daniela, mad, not really able to grieve, not really knowing what to think, just listening, hearing crying upstairs at varying times, but no stomping coming from La Chupacapra … when suddenly little feet and the chirping of Daniela the toddler, Mamma mamma!
Oh to be so wrong, so gloriouuusly wrong!
So this morning I played U2 getting ready … In God’s Country, Walk On, Breathe … Desire … and when we got outside to run errands I see the Dad’s car! and Jason said, Yeah, the Dad came back while you were walking Chipper. What? Were they surprised?
Not really. The toddler seemed to be very happy.
Flummoxed and happy we drove off into the sunny day. Whole Foods … Barnes and Noble … the trees blooming all over and white and yellow and me remembering the trees blooming all red in Jamaica, stunningly.
Vampire Weekend, Contra and The Shins’ new one … yay! mellow and intellectual and boppy darkly …
Even so, there is a state patrol officer who serves as the apartment’s security officer and who KNOWS everything and all and we are going to try to get his number, have already called one of the rental ladies for it last night … and we are just going to try to get to the bottom of things. Because apparently the toddler was in medical care for two days because she did fall out of that damned bed. Did they fix the bed?
At 11:30 Mom woke me up yelling through the earplugs, and the teen was like Mom, Mom? what are you doing? she is asleep and Mom went in there and woke her up and played with her for thirty odd minutes. Then at 1 am there was a commotion and the teen was like fighting with her Mom to leave the kid alone but it was more of a fight. Something ain’t right up there. With Mom. But at least Dad’s home. He’s cool, though he works the late shift and disappeared for four days.
So as I said I’m following the days, or my days are following the Seven Spiritual Laws of Yoga. I’m trying to do vision questing. I’ve decided that, although I tend to try to do things on a global scale, to try to save the world and be universal … which I will still try to do, mind you, cause that’s me! … I also saved a squirming worm on the dry hot sidewalk other day and put him in the shady grass. And although I am tempted to think of worm farms and such … the worm counts. Not counting … but you know … acting on a small scale, being fulfilled.
Because it’s very hard that I’m not working and being fulfilled on a full-time focused way — but I am very limited now. I have to face that every day when I can’t sit or paint or stand or focus or even count to ten during physical therapy super well. Argh. so…
But I can paint, slowly, a bit at a time. I can write. Blog, novels. Novels, especially, because they capture my imagination in a big world way. So that latter bit is my biggest vision point so far, as I have three novels in the queue, just waiting. Just sitting there.
Today is the day of pure potentiality. Just knowing that I am born to be. I shall unfold from here. (after rest)
This painting has a secret name: Dawn, for Daniela.