Hanakapiai Beach – V

Sorry to have been away so long — counseling on Friday was way hard. Yesterday was way hard in it’s way as well. Some of this I can get into, but very little actually, and sadly I suppose.

I am well. Better now.

Thursday night/am I was awake from around 11 pm to 2:30 am because I had deeper memories around a floating memory series I have had some time, about trying to tell a neighbor about the abuse. A neighbor who was at the time an attorney defending children who had been abused. A perfect person for me to try to disclose to, right? Well, that is as far as I can go to tell you about that … for now, I guess. But I can tell you I was spittin’ mad for many hours, emailing my counselor many times as the details unfolded, to record them from the bed, lest I forgot them, writhing … argh.

So counseling was good, productive. Then we were done for the time being going over that, when, as promised from the previous session, she brought out a copy of Erikson’s Psychosocial Stages Summary Chart, wherein the developmental stages of a child to an adult are outlined. All I could do was laugh, for how could I cry? I am going to try to journal about some of my feelings and thoughts about where and when I split and where the abuse started … etc. Mind-boggling, makes me dizzy.

So after the session I was a mess.

Ordered an extra large pizza I did. But did not gorge, just enjoyed.

Yesterday I shall not get into.

Today is fresh and good.

Chipper’s bowel issues are resolving with the probiotic thankfully, and we are going to resume his normal diet slowly by mixing it in by halvsies in his dinner tonight with his bland food. He is already excited to have “crunchies” again. Such a smart boy. We haven’t resumed long walkies yet of course, and don’t expect to anytime soon, however. I’m going to try to take long walks myself because I do need them for my own health. He is limping significantly still and we are trying to get used to it, hard for me, easier for Jason somehow? The vet put him on Gabapentin on Friday and he has been a little dopey, even though I misread it and have only been giving him half the dose. So be it. That’s dopey enough for us for now.

I have tried in the past few days to pick up the brush but have only put it down again, for lack of energy and enthusiasm. Wisely. Do not paint without the will. Without desire.

But today I am fresh, and anticipate a good deal of landscape will result from it. Yay!

We’ve just finished cleaning out our pantry closet and pantry cupboard and now we have so much more space! hurray! Plus we know what we have? heh … we’re not hoarders, but we are cooks … this is all in preparation for the Open House … next week, Jason says, the other side of the kitchen …

Now to paint!

Boy that was fun and cathartic. I needed that. Hey, so although it looks kinda cool like this with the earthen and green in the foreground, you see that bit that is fleshed out with some bits of green plant work? That is what I intend to do in the foreground. See, I really just slapped that foreground paint up there. Now, I carefully mixed the colors I chose for the two bands, but then I just put them up willy-nilly, for me, when I’m usually careful with every stroke. Because I care, right? You get that these are Earth and green undershadow, right? Right-o.

So I decided finally to do kind of a paintings inventory, which my accountant has been asking for since forever. In Filemaker Pro, which is my fave database software for ease of use, cross-platform. Meh. Anyhoo. I’ll print the painting price tags for the Open House onto business card as labels straight from the database this time instead of from WORD — Oh Lord there is progress in this world. Yes there is.

I also backed up my work onto the external hard drive which is internal to my hard drive, which was originally intended for documentary work. Well, now it is for backups. There. Progress, long overdue. Amy makes a backup. Lord help us what is going on in HER world?


About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
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