I’ve gone without the back brace so far today, but even a small bag of groceries threw my back out again. So I rested again for some goodly time, post-counseling and errands. Not like I wouldn’t be resting anyway, mind you. Crazy. I’m blessed to have the ability to rest when I need to.
Counseling went really well. Very productive. We reviewed the seven steps of reducing anxiety in Sally Kempton’s article from the recent Yoga Journal article. We laughed. We could spend six months on anxiety with me. I said let’s do it. I’m up for it. I agreed that I’m much less prone to anxiety if I’m well-rested, well-fed, well-cared for. Lots of TLC inside out. Feeling chill waiting in line, in traffic, what have you when the stress gets triggered, and I have like a thousand or more sensory triggers. So I’ve been ON it for some decades now, it feels like, with the PTSD diagnosis. But I can do more. I will.
I also had suggested to Jason last night and to my counselor today, and they both agreed, that my new host person or whatever be a yogini. Because I’ve kind of been standing in half-functioning since I was in the hospital last weekend or the weekend before or whatever it was. Not feeling very me or adult or responsible, just kind of half-here. But the idea just kind of popped into my head last night — yogini! That is who I want to be above all — and voila! It fits and suits me — my core being — on soo many levels — so run with me on this — if you want. I’m there.
Thankfully, I was able to do a teeniny bit of yoga last night and this morning, and meditation is getting somewhat easier. I decided or remembered that I can breathe and release feelings and they will actually lessen. I’m still getting flashbacks from absolute random time periods tho. But the yogini should be able to handle the stress of this much better. She would be more centered. We laughed, if a movie producer made a movie like my insides, people would walk out of the theater in protest. I can’t walk out. Though. I have to stay conscious and be there for me. I have to observe and do my best not to be traumatized by the alters.
On a less serious note, pencil skirts and maxi skirts. Yes. Much less serious. First the skirt I have on today. This is the first of the maxi skirts we had made at the drycleaners in June. They did such a great job. We had picked out the cloth at the fabric store.
Well, I’ve been up for a while, so I need to be down for a longer while. That’s how my world works. But I’m blessed. 🙂