The piece is beginning to get stronger for me, although I don’t feel as close to the photograph as I would like, or have a sense of how it will look when it’s done. I have an uncanny feeling though, that the painting itself, that my inner or third eye sees something that I (I?) do not, and that I am following that subconsciously. Being led by it, some inner vision of a translation from the painting to the sketch to the color scheme to the painting. Because I can’t say otherwise that I consciously know what is going on, but I have a sense that somehow I know what I (I?) am doing. Does anyone else out there know what I mean?
It’s the same as when you are singing or acting or dancing or taking a photograph, when you see or feel something and you “run” with it. That … thing. Vision?
I just know that I am keeping to the sketch at all costs. I know that much from past experience. Heh.
Hey, so I went to the neurologist today, more on that in a bit, when I was trying to merge onto 270, but no, there was this brightly flashing motorcycle policemen coming ONTO where I was trying to merge and he said NO ye shall not merge here, ever so firmly and gently and I got the picture, which we get around the DC area from time to time: MOTORCADE of some sort. Oh! I thought, the President? the VP? So, the policeman was nice enough to mouth, It’ll just be a minute, and I mouthed back, OK. Heh.
Then I looked back to see the familiar bevy of front flashers, but instead of the familiar black SUVs for the President’s or VP’s motorcade, it was a classic 1960s black hearse. Neil Armstrong, I thought immediately. For who else would get this treatment? Headed to Baltimore Washington Airport? Chills, I tell you, Chills. Even now.
Then it was a cluster@@@ trying to merge until people realized they needed to gently go to let us in, and we followed the motorcade all the way up ten exits to Germantown, where the closed each exit in front of us as we went. Crazy and solemn.
Anything I say at this point will seem so very superficial and unnecessary.
The neurologist has taken me to the max of Topimirate and recommends acupuncture. Jason and I are going to discuss our feelings and fears, concerns, varied and sundry, tonight. Not that it hasn’t been helpful in the past. Cost of co-pays, coverage, and time are all factors. It would probably help. It’s not that. I just have so many appointments already. The cost. Adding something else to my stress pile. It probably wouldn’t take too long to get the base of my skull and my neck and shoulders to calm down? Who knows?
I made an appointment with the spine doc for Wed am. The back isn’t better. We need to be sure we’re doing right by it before the injections on the 17th. Etc. And make sure I haven’t done something really bad to it, of course, by carrying the consignment clothing. ARgh.
All in all, though, spirits are up today. I can feel the Sun on my skin, I can feel bits of joy and I feel guilty for it. Like, the alters are saying don’t forget what happened and I’m like you won’t ever let me forget will you? Let’s live a little … eh? Feel that breeze now? You deserve to be happy sometime. How about now?