Ready to Live III – II

DSC_4035I’ve made a lot of rapid progress on this painting today because I’ve needed a lot of distraction from flashbacks. A lot of flashbacks. Nonstop. I didn’t want to take that lying down, obviously.

My Butterfly is Cobalt Blue and a special chrysalis color I created similar to what I remember as the ethereal Monarch — not lime, not blue, but more lime? It springs, opened at the base, coming from the symbolic yellow triangle, which stands for the arrow of Life coming from the Earth and a single drop of Blood. Yes. I’m still working on the layers of Folky Earth. Thankfully I switched to a smaller bright brush and that went much much better today, more control.

The Butterfly is also Cobalt Teal and the special chrysalis color.

I’m telling you, I was mired deeply for HOURS of painting in guilt and shame loops before I realized I had the innocent heart and self acceptance to fly with. Thank goodness.

I also had a fantasy that my eldest sister read Rebekah’s Closet and interrogated my two brothers and other elder sister about what they did to me and that somehow there would be justice. Dream … ON. It was a nice fantasy while it lasted. Like my siblings would ever tell on themselves fully a) and like justice would be done b) after all this time c). Not.

Sigh. Water under the bridge most likely.

My fantasy is that my eldest sister would be fantastically outraged for what her littlest sister went through and that some sort of penance must be done. Ida know. Like an apology(s).

Like, as I said, the full details of allllllllll the dreaded sordid things they did, much less the photos, would ever come to light. I doubt.

So.

Innocent Heart prevails.

Time for Pizza. Pizze Pizze.

Hey I sold an 8 x 10 photo of a San Diego almost purple rose to a Purple Poet. Woohoo! Most grateful.

Butterflies are free. Alters are becoming free as well. They live with me now. Not with them.

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
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