Ready to Live IV – IV

DSC_4054This is looking particularly sweet, I must say. I’ve never really tried painting flowers, and on such a large scale, it’s rather sensual. Cool.

I finished the delicate brushwork of the Sweet Pea vine, then was quite tired, actually, but continued, figuring you all would be like, what? That’s all? Hey!

So I went on. Ha! Like you really would have done that. I am hard on myself, really if the truth be told. So there. I shall not transfer blame. I take it back. No worries. I mixed up more delicate pink with Titanium White and Cadmium Red, one of three reds I have out on the first palette, which is starting to mold! Agh! I must work fast. These things happen.  Good science experiment? Better wet than dry, actually. Not healthy, but hey, who said painting with high quality pigments was healthy? Ha.


Don’t be scared. I’m fine. 🙂 The EPA or someone says so or they would not have released the stuff to me, right? Right. Carry on. Lovely pale pink was achieved. However, I needed the veins! So I mixed up a lovely deep with the same Cadmium Red and less white this time. Yes, avoiding the mold. Lovely indeed.

‘Kay, so found out something new, that if I leave a bit of said vein work wet that I can mix it with aforementioned pale petal work, ahhhh. Fun. A bit scary. Not sure why. True painting, prolly. Ha. See Palawan. Have ventured here before. Go there. Should. Will. See next flower.

So next half of flower the veins were dry. Alas. Picked up a bit of medium pink and nearly destroyed flower. Picked up tons of pale pink and saved flower. There is something very rare for me here that you would only know if you saw or I told you: 3D effect! Raised paint feature in curve of upper portion of flower. Woo! I never do that, and did not intend to do so. 3D happens, apparently. Fortunately, it did not drip, but dried, staying still in its lovely curve and color pattern. Hurrah! Which is mainly why I do not do so intentionally, a) gravity, and b) can’t go back and change my mind if I choose to with another color.

So usually I paint as smoothly as … a ghost.

Horrible, horrible time last night at bedtime and past, with rapid switching of alters. Oh, just awful. You do not want to experience this.

Lasted about an hour and a half, then a kid was up, that did not want to listen to any of my music on the IPod, only wanted to curl up with Lamby under the covers, like UNDER the covers, had to make sure I could still have breathing room. ARgh is right.

Three nightmares once I finally fell asleep. You don’t want to go there, either, called out in my sleep.

Hard time functioning this morning. Derisive, negative, abusive alters and voices in my head this morning — Stop pushing, no you shut up — that’s not the abusive part but them pushing and shoving — that I had to just finally shut down as the host. I will not allow you to be abusive to Amy. Quiet!

Drove okay to the counseling appointment but did not want to read or anything but finally was able. Was way into the softness of my sweater. Which is fine.

Had no idea how she was going to get me out of my funk. But she did. Came out smiling and laughing. In wonderment.

She is brilliant at what she does. We are a great team.

Still having trouble functioning but in a much more pleasant mood about things.

Stupid cold persists. Haven’t had this many cough drops in my life, and am worried about my ability to sing once I try again. Dennis Nielsen, our guitarist, has a family emergency and is out for some months. So I have time to heal, which is prolly needed.

Very achey but have been doing my special stomach crunches for my lower back on the exercise ball and the yoga still twice a day. Percocet halves and Skelaxin wholes three times a day. But pain persists.

Hangin in.

Trying to invite younger alters, which most of them are, who are saddest, who hang out, to come forward into now and enjoy bathies, coffee and Cheerios, painting. Things that are pleasurable. It kinda works. They are still in their time, but they deserve some fun every now and then.

Well, that’s all I can think of for now. Of course there is more going on, like Jason is off next week, and we’re planning to do stuff, but where’s the surprise in life if I tell all at once? Right. 🙂 Hugs!


About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit
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