Ready to Live VIII – II

DSC_4277Now it’s starting to get some character. I wish you could see it in a room. It is developing a presence because of it’s size, 22 x 28 inches. I will go back even more on the black detailing between the colors, but I especially did so for some good time today, on the right middle.

I did not play with mixing colors today, was more for color clarity, and even washed my brush between colors to ensure so in one case, for the yellow on the left.

Smooth as we go, continues, for the surfaces.

I am also using my left hand for balance and edges at a right angle as needed, with greater confidence, as of today.

Amazing work, productive session with counselor today. See I just got so overwhelmed with the lists of cognitive distortions and “twisted thinking” etcetera from Feeling Good from counseling session on Friday that I couldn’t begin to start a list of negative thoughts as suggested. Um, where? are they? where are they hiding? they are EVERYWHERE and NOWHERE … right?

I noticed that I’m really good at meditating, which has taken some good years of practice and kudos. Yay. I can watch my voices and flashes and emotions and thoughts and freak and then watch again. It takes time.

So there’s that.

But what about the presuppositions and stuff before I begin meditation? The soupe, et al?

Yessss, the messe!

The conditioning, for one thing. Oh, I’ll just stop there.

So we decided, long story short, to focus on my limiting should statements. Do you know what I mean by that? Like the ones that cause guilt. I should be a better person. I should be a better artist. I should … eat more healthy food or whatever the hell. You get it now.

So I have a Rebel and a Perfectionist alter each. I have a Southern Woman something alter, too. Oh, the list goes on and they conflict and storm like you wouldn’t believe. They fight. Oh, they fight.

Heh. I manage okay now I know what the hell is going on.

So, should statements. I could stay in place I have so many should statements.

I should breathe deeply and often. I should chill the hell out. I should be positive and go forward and … and …

She said it’s better to replace the thinking with leading yourself with it would be better if I breathed deeply and often …

Wish me luck! 🙂

 

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
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