Ready to Live VIII – VIII

DSC_4301Today I mixed up the nicest botanical lime green don’t you know? Applied it in two places, which are now, you may see as sky blue. Hmmm. BECAUSE the green was just bringing the painting DOWN. Way down. All the brightness of the symbols and even the Earth, which is not bright, per se, was down. Hmmm. And I had made a bunch of that green, don’t you know? Oh, well, I’d rather lose paint than a painting. So, I mixed up a lovely sky. And went for it, over the lovely botanical green. Also, the other lime was lost among the botanical green, which was just not acceptable. So … there you have it.

Now, I was mixing and painting with a Princeton bright 6300B, if that is helpful information. Much bigger than the teeniny round I have been painting the fine Sprouts with. It is a might scary and fast to paint, racy even, to paint with the big brush again. Wow. If I weren’t a woman, I’d say it takes balls. It takes … courage. There. It does! You have to take a deep breath, focus and go with it. It certainly is expeditious, I must say.

I woke up depressed today. There is just no other word for it. I went to counseling with my hat in my hand, as it were.

She said, Now, if you took the Myers-Briggs test, you probably would be a people person, more than an introvert, really. I said, but look at how bookish, how intellectual I am, how much I love my time alone and meditating. She smiled. You need to get out, she said, you crave it. I agreed. I do. We agreed, and same for her if she took the test, that we are both on the borderline for intro/extroverts.

So, I came home and got on the Web. I emailed the local Buddhist Temple and asked them about what they have to offer me with my disability/limitations. I mean, I meditate laying down, for one thing, can’t sit for long periods at all. But that I would love to visit, to learn.

Turns out the Arts League of Germantown, which is literally across the street almost … meets next Wednesday for their thirtieth anniversary. I’ve been meaning to go for like 3-5 years. Really now. GO!

I checked out some more free things in the area that I will keep checking back on, and SPRING IS COMING!

So there. I’m going to get out of the house and be amongst people more. I think it will be very good for me. I don’t want to overcommit because in the past I have done that and had to pull back, largely due to stress and physical limitations. But just enough. Just right.

Sigh. I feel good about this. That was a sigh of relief.

Better than this morning, eh?

I then cleaned the kitchen, did the multi-recycling and took two bags outside to the containers because of the SNOW that cometh. Supposedly. It’s been such a lovely day, really, that it’s hard to believe. It will fall from the sky. On us. Impending.

Everyone is a bit jittery and preparing. One of the maintenance guys, the one whose name I don’t know and now I’ve known him so long I’m ashamed to ask his name again — he’s getting a room nearby and getting up early so he can prepare the sidewalks starting at four am. I thanked him and told him that’s good because Jason walks Chipper around four am. I asked him about his knees, which he had operated on about three months ago. Horrible, he said. Thank you for asking. I’m going the doctor on Friday. Now really, I appreciate him shoveling all the more. Yow. Yoweee. Even.

Discovered the Maple Leaf Apple Gouda cheese we got at Whole Foods today. YUM! I haven’t had a real appetite for days now. After I cleaned the kitchen, it did take a few crackers, I do admit for me to really taste it, but once I did, nice. I know depression really well. Taste is something that goes on you as well. Nice to have it back.

I see a friend and her toddler in the am, something we scheduled a week ago. She is from Michigan so she is loving this weather. Not phased, shall we say. Just a few steps over within the complex sounds easy enough now, but we shall see on the morrow how easy it will be. I will be laughing if it’s hard, believe me. I love snow. I know I’m in the minority. As I said before, et al.

Didn’t end up writing yesterday, but thought through some important plot points. Hmmm. Not good enough. I know. No guilt though. I don’t want the writing to be about guilt. But to feel good, to flow. To be juice.

Kay. Chipper’s lonely. Gotta go. Bones’ be achin, per usual …

 

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
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