Ready to Live XI – VI

 

DSC_4402With a tiny round brush today I added the last of the palest pink to the interior, and the lime! I also added red to two more of the inside of the unfurling petals to give the Chrysanthemum more weight. She looks more adult now. 🙂

The lime gives her a bit of dash, as well.

I cried while painting today. I don’t know all the reasons why.

Hard to get into anything again today. Almost didn’t paint at all. But I feared the drying of my mixed paints.

Still processing from Tuesday’s counseling session. She said over several emails back and forth that it was okay to vent my rage nonverbally a) and b) in a painting.

I am very inspired by Mara Held, an artist I saw an ad for in a magazine … the ad for which I tore out and put under my calendarrrrr. It is beautiful and tormented color and shape and line. Like the inside of a gut, or a brain. Or coral. No, really it’s beautiful. I think that is my starting place for the rage I want to paint. My original thought was a block of lead for this particular abuser, because he ain’t so smart no he ain’t. Not like words mean so much to him or did. A waste to spend any words on him.

Bah.

Yet he coils in reverb and … codes … and cells … deeply echoing … all over and up inside the freak.

So. I was thinking about a rage series. Cause it would be different for different abusers. That fascinates me. In the worst and best way. Sigh.

Kay.

So I painted for about an hour and I’m exhausted emotionally and physically.

The alters are very young today. They like Spring but they don’t recognize much, so it’s easier for them to rest with their eyes closed. Honestly …

 

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
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