Anyway. Here you can see an oncoming car, the outline of the newspaper, the dining room table, one chair, a lamp, where the dirt road will run up the left side, and the old boarded up farm house where this abuser grew up.
I was advised by my counselor to “only look at beautiful things today” but the time came to sketch this, and the time came to stop sketching.
I don’t know what to say. I am barely functional. Literally guys. Hence the lack of blogging. Doing my best, but these new memories whopped my heart out of nowhere.
Also, the alternator on the VW Bug is out, so no car, nothing but IPhone Facetime for a week or so with the counselor. Great … just when I need the real time. Hmmm.
But Jason started fulltime work again yesterday, so things are looking up. It all balances out.
My heart does feel very broken at the moment and I am trying very hard to breathe and go forward. I was not expecting new memories of someone else just when I was working on Rage IV. I was focused on this abuser, right? Gah. Whatever.
The sun at the pool felt great, although I felt like I was going to split into a million itty pieces, lasted thirty minutes almost on the dot.
The alters that remember this are feeling very guilty and ashamed for participating so I’m having to work on the innocent heart meditation. Very weepy. Shaky. Was very introverted on the walk this morning, not my usual smiling Buddhist, giving self. Very unusual, very shy.
Back a bit tweaky overnight but largely doing well. So that’s good, eh? Cool.
Nice things are still happening. The Sun comes in and out. Firming up a new paintings show for October-November that I’ll be telling you about shortly. See? Deeeep Breath. Hang tight with me, ‘kay? I’m still here. 🙂