Grand Canyon I – II

DSC_4734Here I have take a tiny round brush and mixed the Burnt Umber, Neutral Gray, and Prussian Blue randomly as I painted to make the deep vent to the left. This took more time than it looks.

Then I mixed Naples Yellow and Burnt Umber and painted the plateau to the left of that, with a small bright and the tiny round brush yet again, again, taking quite a bit of time.

I don’t mind the time, however. This piece is a labor of love, if you don’t mind following along?

This left middle finger sprain is slowing me down more than I would like, typing and with daily care, things around the house, getting in and out of the car, and the like. Makes me a bit grumpy. Bah. However, if it means that the thing will heal in four weeks and I a) don’t have to have surgery and b) don’t have to go to pt — I’m all for it. That being said — BAH!

and harumph.

I am typing somewhat better than I was two days ago.

But still, I cannot consider the novel.

Sigh. So that puts me four weeks behind at a blow.

Oh well, take it in stride. Who’s really counting?

So I’ve been reading and contemplating the article I posted on Saturday night. You’d think I would have read it prior to posting it? Well … here is the one I was looking for …

http://theunboundedspirit.com/existential-depression-in-gifted-children/

It’s kind of the summary article in a way … also good to read, mind you …

Anyway. I’m realizing how very bummed I’ve been for so very long. Ha! Humor is apparently a very good coping skill, btw. Yay! I must say, being an idealist, first and foremost, that being a gifted child/person, what if I had given up? Thank goodness I didn’t succeed in giving up when I tried, eh? Thank you to all the folks who help me, encourage me, support me.

So. Idealism. Bubbles and Utopia. Worth it in the end? Yes! What if Rousseau and the Jeffersons and Lincolns and inventors of the world had given up? Rutro. No progress. Ever.

Worth it. So worth it.

In the mean time we live in a box and bump up against walls and ceilings and glass ceilings and NO you can’t do that — it’s impossible and WHY? and what FOR?

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU are? anyway?

heh

Ida know.

Somewhere along the way I decided to believe in some sort of magic world, some kind of secret faery space where synchronicity and surrealism mattered. Where ghosts could really whisper in the clouds and trees, especially willows and tall grasses. But you know …

I get lost in an instant in movies and poetry and songs and novels and history lessons like I’m THERE. It’s a blessing and a curse, but I’ll take it, the trip.

“Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.” — George Bernard Shaw

Oh the nightmares the past three nights. Very vivid. And in between, lots of Miles Davis, yes. Eases the pain for sure, two days of him, morning and night, assuaged. But this morning, a few clicks past his name, Miriam Makeba, yes. Mmmm.

Today Iron and Wine. Often. Brilliant.

I wondered how many alternative artists are gifted and if they are box bumpers, too. You know? That 5% — what is the percent of the so called “gifted?” So the article next linked below says 3-5 % but then says that some people also say 20%.

http://www.misd.net/gifted/giftedchildren.htm

This is the wikipedia article on intellectual giftedness which I also found interesting just now …

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intellectual_giftedness

Not to beat a gift horse in the mouth, but … 🙂

Doesn’t everyone need encouragement and need to know that they are challenged? Really!

On another note, a friend today expressed that he didn’t feel that he was good enough. I replied that I understood.

I am not the best painter. My mode is excellence. To do the best I can. I am the best painter I can be.

I am the best Amy I can be at a given time.

Also, the other day, Tuesday, in counseling, we were discussing this same first-mentioned article and coping skills. Compartmentalizing came up as a mental skill adults have, that children do not.

This is when, say, you have a dentist appointment that freaks you out, because the dentist makes you nervous, and you are capable of setting this freakiness aside, for another time. You are capable of setting your anxiety loops aside for another date and time, say, for the dentist chair itself, or the car ride over. Whenever it is safe, probably not the car ride over then.

People who are traumatized by the dentist are not capable of setting this fear aside. Children who are traumatized by the dentist are definitely not able to, because this happened before they were able to compartmentalize, see?

So this was an important thing for me to understand.

Loops also fascinate me. A friend of mine was Facebooking and looping and looping and I pointed it out to her and thankfully she was open to seeing them. Journalling is a great way to see when you are looping on anxious or troubling thoughts that are locking you out of a peaceful frame of mind. Yes. Zen is possible.

Now flashbacks are different. I’m not in control of those, journal or no journal.

But journalling does help me when I’m flashing to help get them out, to express them, when I’m flooding.

Okay. I’m tired now. Heh. Maybe you are tired of reading me. 🙂 A lot of physical pain today in the knees and back and generally inside my head? what gives there? Time to rest …

I hope you all had a good day? 🙂 Hugs to you all and may you rest peacefully tonight. Take care until we “chat” again … Namaste

 

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
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