Today I was only able to make a tiny bit of progress with the delicate foliage with the equally tiny round brush. I must do this with the tiny round, however, to do it right, methinks. Bit after tiny bit of paint goes into each leaf, and in fact, each tiny bit of each tiny leaf. It counts, and it will take some great deal of time, which I dearly am enjoying, for now.
I have found that when I chose this foto to begin with, that it jumped at me, saying, Do me first! So of course …
I thought, have been thinking, how innocent these fotos are to me. How they are not screaming war, as I thought they might, triggering flashbacks with their mere colors. Thankfully, they are innocent of blood, eh?
When I painted Rage III, I so violently felt the waves and the flashbacks, in the background of that piece, inspiring, creating the need for this series.
I now see a beautiful series of very very challenging, and deeply beautiful and evocative jungle paintings. Sensual for sure. But not violent. I surely feel what I feel while I’m painting, flashbacks do come. But I’m not intending to add red to these.
I thought yesterday of painting a more abstract, cathartic, straight from my soul/heart/mind POP Art flashback ridden series after this under my belt. Maybe.
I feel strongly that these must remain innocent of blood that has long since been washed through. We shall see.
I woke yesterday and today again with the debilitating depression and physical pains and aches. Thankfully I had counseling today which was most helpful. Since 8/27, mind you, have I had counseling. !!
She helped me frame this phase of depression and pain as exactly that, a phase. Something that has limits. And boy did I vent and curse several blue streaks. Yes. I’m not sure what alter it is that curses so much but that one was up.
Flashback continue to come.
I am worried that the pain on the left lower back, although not as sharp, is still there. The spine surgeon did say that, although he would see me on October 30 for a follow up and possibly another injection (woo!), that we may be looking at another surgery to take the screws he put in in April, out. Because a) they are bothering me and b) they are no longer needed.
I can’t tell you how much that bugs … me. But we will do what we need to do. I trust his judgement.
Meanwhile, Nature is just enormously beautiful.
and I’ve almost finished the Poetry in Person book — which continues to inspire me to write, which I did a little, about one of the characters who has PTSD, the other day … hard work, for sure, but it flowed.
More music recording tomorrow late afternoon.
Back is hurting and not much else to report/record here for now, so will stop … I will say that after counseling I could feel Nature more prominently again, so that’s progress — a blessing.