Checking In …

hey you all, so sorry it’s been soo very long since I’ve spoken but the computer has been in the shop getting a much-needed upgrade and it takes a long time to get older RAM and software upgrades these days …

also … gah and agh … remember I was having those awful new memories?

 

well, i have now remembered vast new awful stuff about two of my abusers starting in first grade …

awful stuff that makes me incredibly angry for three days solid and now very nonfunctioning saddd.

haven’t painted in days also — but i did paint about five days ago? the recent painting is almost done and am looking forward to moving on when I can have access again to the next photograph on the computer

it’s really like the life has gone out of the studio, or half at least, with painting being the other half, for the computer to be gone.

I am working on Christmas cards as I can, but they are very loving and emotional to do, and that is … hard to do right now … I’m so sad.

So I’m doing my best to stay active yet rest. Right?

Read a great bit of poetry from Alberto Blanco today called Mexican Eclipse. You must read it, eh?

counseling was direly needed and most helpful today. I have no idea what she did, but i left there feeling somehow both better and incredibly raw, almost the same raw you have after leaving a massage or spa. An emotional workout.

I did explain that what has happened in the past week is that this alter group that has come forth now is so big and groundbreaking that it could take the place of 4 or 5 previously existing alters. It is like a relative Big Bang of memories in my memory bank. It won’t go back and fit where it was before. I have to figure out how this fits in my life, and the other alters are flipping out now. One or the other will come up and they are equally or lesser traumatized and try to relate to this one and it’s like OWWW and they back down … it’s complicated and unstable … great?

we’ll be making cookies and doing Christmas cards in the mean time …

I just wanted to check in with you all and let you know where I’m at …

thank you as always for hanging in there for me and listening 🙂 take care!

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
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