Vietnam Jungle IV – I

DSC_5008ah now we see some definition outlining some of the foliage, but most of my work is focusing for the moment on abstract painting with an 8 da vinci top acrylic bright brush that is being christened herewith … what a joy … quite the freedom and liberation of expression, such control

see, there’s no paint stuck in it yet — over the years, try as a painter might, there’s bound to be paint stuck within the bristles, mostly where it meeteth handle and working its way up over time … despite the best efforts to clean them — sigh

so this is a real treat — my first new brush in like five years or so of this detailed size — i take that back, some of the very fine, tiny ones were a gift — and brand new still with the wrappers on them, until a year or so ago — thank you

and the very largest bright brushes I used on the very large pastels, ahem! thank you!

still, it is a joy right now

very lyrical, and what Jason said was dynamic start to the painting — what I learned from the last painting, although not the same strokes at all, even going back to some of the coding to the upper left of the first Vietnam Jungle painting — so there is definitely a conversation going on between them, which I had hoped for —

what is happening to me as a painter is very good — I am stretching out and becoming more confident in acrylic free form — where for many years I have been drawing shapes and largely filling them in matte, can you see that? I am doing both now — the jungle is too wild for that but there are shafts of light and blocks and geometres of color that require both.

so

it is getting beyond the color that drive me emotionally, although the shapes are emotionally-driven — because the jungle as a theme drives me, because it is endangered and has been for centuries — as the Black Forest was endangered in Europe — as the wild … the WILDE in us, in our very soules and psyches itself is feared internally it is feared externally (and with good reason on both counts; and with good reason not to on both counts; rather to accept and enfold treasure and respect) … is endangered internally and externally —

development and pollution endanger the external, Natural wilde

dumbing down of Arts and Culture and debasing/defunding Education is endangering of the MINDE and SOULE …

never minde?

heh

not

so i’ve realized lately something as the traumatic flashbacks have largely scaled down in frequency in the past three-four days, that the level of my darkness is severe because of the abuse that I’ve just remembered in particular, and in combination with the others, but in particular — something I could never quite put my finger on, like yeah, Amy, but, why? go that far down for so long and stay down ?? I don’t know if you know what I mean by flying a black flag or seeing a ghost inside or being down a well?

hmmm

well

now I know

it’s somewhat of a relief and a mystery resolved to a certain extent, and it’s horrifying and makes me angry and self-consoling.

so, such a deep conversation to begin? and dinner is ready, not just any dinner, but New Year’s Eve’s special shrimp pasta dinner no less — timing is everything, yes?

that being said, I am in much better spirits all day today and it makes me feel that things may bounce around a while before they settle in ? ida know … I’m just on the ride and trying to meditate as much as I can to stabilize to a peaceful place … right now it doesn’t work very well, but it’s all I can do to feel like I’m doing something productive, you know? I mean, what would you do?

I have to do something …

kay — and my resolution is to reenergize my yoga practice — everything else on my list will happen one way or another — or was not meant to be — or yet — hee

today dark colors, tomorrow wearing light colors in honor of the returning Sun and the New Year — I hope you are safe and inebrious should you choose to be so — fun! cheers! 🙂 Namaste …

 

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About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
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