The foreground foliage is almost done, the darker bits, eh? So I’ve begun painting in the background, which is a bit daunting. If you look closely, you may see two palm trees in lime, with a darker green background there.
I hesitated to blog yesterday, and did not. Hesitated again today and almost didn’t.
Today, this afternoon, suddenly had a lot of painful emotions come up associated with a female abuser. Gah. Bah. Was not expecting that. I remembered the abuse by her last September I think? Eep? Sudden sharp pain on right side of head. Ack.
So I tried carefully as I was resting, for that is when it happened, to parse what exactly this pain was, for it wasn’t guilt or anger, shame. But betrayal? In part. I was flashing on how close we were, and then gross bits of the abuse.
I won’t go into it, but several hours of that, and I did indeed carefully process a good deal of crap. Assuredly.
For now, now! I have a lovely reception to go to! At Kentlands Mansion no less!
I’m a bit dizzy and in pain.
But as odd as it is, my outside does not match my feelings at all. I look fine. 🙂 right? Yay?
I’m wearing a rosey wool pencil skirt and a pale pink fine wool v-neck sweater, white ribbed tights (because all the cream ones are picked!) and my fave honey suede flat boots, will be wearing the ivory wool long coat and snow scarf — mwah!
That all counts for Tender Loving Care, as far as I’m concerned. Will pack the lovely cheeses, etc. along with the crackers into the bag and we’ll have our veggies and couscous in a bit and head off to be super early. I’m in a spin about it.
Hey, on a much more dynamic and positive note, yesterday in my session with Kelly of Wicked Lotus Yoga? She said at the end that she is truly inspired by me, by my body-mind connection/consciousness. Wow. No one has ever noticed that before. Or said it.
She also said that my meditative stance, the 24/7 thing I talk about, is something I should consider teaching about. … … …
So. Now I’m seriously considering taping a DVD for educational purposes, about how to use meditation/cognitive behavioral techniques … etc and et al … for healing from PTSD/Dissociative Disorder specifically as they relate to child sexual abuse. Because maybe veterans could also benefit from the DVD, and go ahead and try it, but this is really about this specific issue.
What do you all think? I don’t care if it sells, right? I just want to get it out there.
It wouldn’t be so hard to create on the back end, in terms of filming. Editing, possibly friends could help. The absolute hard part is editing and writing and condensing what I’ve done over the past ten years inside my BRAIN, heart and soul. And body for that matter, for this stuff (the abuse) is cellular (goddammit). How do I encapsulate how I trained myself from psychoses to relative quiet? And it’s not done or I wouldn’t be on disability. For real. What happened this afternoon and how hard that was to handle. How hard it is to pull it together for tonight’s reception, for example. It takes a lot of … breathwork, and mantra work … and cajoling of alters, in a way. Spiritual guidance of the self. Pep talk. and TLC. Lipstick and Rose Essence and even MORE Rose Perfume in layers, don’t you know.
It all adds up.
So I’m seriously considering that. Cool, eh?
Hopefully it will help someone else out.
Okay, time to eat the din-din. 🙂 Peace.