Vietnam Jungle V – IX

DSC_5085Here I’ve added more depth with Sap Green to the lower and middle left in the single brush stroke style. Then with the lighter lime mix I painted in the middle left white areas the were remaining. I added a bright lime mix to the tiny white areas remaining, and brought the same down, vine-like down from the upper right.

I’m beginning to see a twisting torso-like movement in the whole piece, that I am going to enhance more and more as I go forward. Yay. 🙂

So remember I was saying that the muscle spasms in my back were like, almost gone? Well, so I said that to the physical therapist, who was also concerned that the adjustments were causing too much pain, so he adjusted me less on Monday? And the spasms are way back. Greatttt. So I’m back to doing flash yoga like every five minutes to get the spasms to go away. Effing a. Hmm.

I determined last night, pretty fiercely, mind you, that I was going to swim today, in the Gold’s Gym pool, right? Which it says on the web site that they have. Um. No.

But that being said, I went and signed up for my free through Aetna Medicare “Silver Fit” membership today and pool or no pool, on Thursday at 11 am I have a personal trainer appointment. BECAUSE, they have most excellent machines there to work the core specifically.

Now, THAT being said, everywhere I go, I sign a liability waiver. Ha.

So, I’m hopeful, and I’m headed back to the Germantown indoor swim facility, when I have a chance, because I still believe in the swimming, don’t you know?

My mood however remains good, if not a bit feisty. Not too feisty, though, thankfully.

Yesterday while I was resting I had a daymare. My eyes were open and I had a vivid brightly lit, unpleasant, symbolic hallucination of one of my abusers lifting me out of a swamp. No thank you. Effing weird. Flashbacks still abound, especially when resting, not really catching a break from those. Oh well.

I’ve been wanting to write more on the “meditation DVD” all day but dared not, due to my back, and felt the need to paint, which I did not, yesterday. And I did write a lot yesterday, which definitely spazzed the back. I skipped the negative behaviors and went straight to what works to fix stuff section. Yes. Tender Loving Care (TLC) and Loving Yourself. That added two pages right there. Yay!

I’m not sure if this is a little booklet that goes with? or … but the writing is kind of comforting and fun. Hmm. I will just keep and open mind and let the project flow and develop. It will definitely need a PowerPoint, but even so.

Anyhoo, so today I wanted to add a delicate, respectful section on Spirituality, that goes in front of TLC. Because, honestly, it’s a dark battle. What was done to me came from dark dark places, evil places, and was imbedded in me. I’m not a bad person because it, thankfully, I mean, I’m not a perpetrator and the cycle of abuse ends with me in terms of lineage. But I fight almost every minute to keep my mind space clean and the way I like it.

Maybe I’m too judgmental and perfectionist? but I just don’t like to hear things I think sometimes and I like to reverse words and stuff when my rebellious alters think them. I don’t let things get out of hand. Also, I have few clues about what “normal” is, in terms of swearing and anger and acting out, so I curb myself, a LOT on the inside.

Now, I allow some cursing, but I can’t allow much on the inside. I allow a lot, mostly privately, on the outside. Yay! Like a sailor! Yay!

But I need a calm, mostly chill inside environment, with little chatter, or I get annoyed with myself. So I try to keep things quiet. Hence, the meditation stance of observing. It’s not perfect by a long shot. But I try to stay aware.

There was a fire on the third floor of the apartment building just across from us just now. I think everyone is okay because all the trucks and lights are gone. That’s really odd. Usually it’s just kids throwing the alarm and the trucks and firemen checking it out, doing their duty. This time it was for real and we saw a neighbor who came to tell us through the sliding glass door what was up. Sweet of her.

There are constantly firetrucks and ambulances, though. And some motorbikes who are so full of their sounds revving on our little hilly by street that it’s … a joy ride for them … and the IPod and quite the rolling of eyes for me. Heh.

Speaking of the IPod, just got the new Tame Impala album and their most recent before that. Trippy yum yums. Yay. Blessed.

Okay. Time to rest.

 

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s