The tension, or torque, or a word I read the other day – torsion – is turning a bit here now with the addition of more alternating shades of green detail in the background … I’ve painted in the mid-green mix to the mid-left in a wave, and the upper right.
Then I’ve begun to use the smallest round brush to complete a new, dark, lyrical section to the mid-right in thick Sap Green. You may notice a new dark, almost black, leaf there?
So Mercury is in retrograde? Is that why I’m so antsy and irritable? Gah, I hope so. I’m having a terrible time with my mood lately, the slaps, even. The thought, slap. I dislike it so!!!
I did for a brief period today realize yet again that no one is hurting me right now in my life and tried to make my inner world peaceful again, but I am quite QUITE on edge. Trying very hard to be chill. What? is that?
I was furious for four straight hours yesterday about the weakness of my core yesterday after two innocent comments from the physical therapist and a casual friend. Not at them, mind you, but at my inability, after about six months of hard work, at being able to really budge the thing.
Soooo. I went to the personal trainer meeting today and gratefully MOST gratefully accepted the news that I score 49 years at 49 years of aging or whatever on their scale of fitness at Gold’s Gym. I’ve been working hard, you all! and, only 38% body fat, no tips for eating or flexibility, after last year’s back surgery. So all in all, that is super-good, as a place to start. A free personal trainer, not the one that would cost, which I declined, will call, just to get me started on a delicate route, tomorrow, or so.
Another thing that frustrates me, and FRUSTRATE is the word of the day/week, is that it is supposed to be snowing or precipitating continuously (venting here) from Friday night on through like several DAYS here … I cannot TELL you how helpless I feel at this. Truly.
It is already extremely cold, even bundled up, with the wind and gloves. Guess I better add the hat.
However, on the good news front, I will be able to have a 90 minute massage and counseling session tomorrow before this Winter storm hits, and the NYC show isn’t until NEXT weekend. So that’s all very very cool.
I’m just venting, but my back is very concerning to me. I don’t know what the solution is. I can hardly do anything anymore without a considerable amount of pain or spasm, and it seems like yoga, pt, rest, … nothing is working. I need to realize that this is a slow process to heal. But it is an unknown, and I am a bit panicked at the moment. Hopefully the massage will give me some relief, as well as everything else I’m/we’re doing, over time. Months.
The surgeon is ready to release me, due to the results of the bone growth, in a few months. He’s really done his job. This is a muscular problem, he said.
It’s my core, which has atrophied because of the degeneration of my back, which is not my fault, but my problem.
My mind is super-jittery and I’m bouncing around in here. I don’t like a non-peaceful mind. Guys. Agh.
I’m hopeful that I can in the next few days, as the freaking (!) snow comes, find some sort of peaceful routine again, finish the painting, continue writing on the meditation DVD and the short story to get that in on March 3 — go FORWARD to completion and rest — find a good balance for my mind and body — something’s gotta give.
I think just writing all of that to you, recognizing all of it, has helped me — and whatever this Mercury thing is — I’m so very SENSITIVE you know. 😛