Vietnam Jungle VI – II

DSC_5103Here I’ve added three different especially-mixed greens from the previous painting palette, and I’m thrilled that they have lasted. I am balancing them and kind of threading them through the canvas, in a way that I would describe as intuitive, that somewhat follows the original photo. I may need to mix another green, but I’m not quite sure as of yet.

Last night, due to a late, and lovely dose of coffee left over from mid-morning, which I should NOT have had at home, I did NOT sleep well until four am! Yipes.

So I have had quite the headache today. eep.

That being said, I washed a light load of laundry, including the cream flannel pillowcases, which are lovely and freshly dry now for sleepies. I can’t quite decide whether to wear a mix of ivory/cream or black/charcoal wool separates for the reception Thursday night, and will choose the day of, which is more fun anyway, to allow the freedom of the mood to strike me. So, in the light load were stockings to allow for either case … ha.

Yesterday I had a wonderful brunch with my friend and her three-year-old, who are in town to visit, and to retrieve her husband’s vintage motorcycle which is currently in our garage, on Friday night. It was soooo good to see them both, as they were such good neighbors in the complex, and have since moved to Grand Rapids, MI. Le sigh. But it’s good to hear that they are well.

Then I had physical therapy, and was a bit sad to report that the muscle spasms were back, and that in fact next week is my last week of pt. Hmmm. Not sure how to resolve them now. Hmmm, indeed. I see the surgeon on 4/19, and not sure if another prescription for physical therapy is in order, or?

After I came home, I had had such a good time reading The Five Things We Cannot Change in the waiting room for physical therapy, that I fairly blasted through almost the whole thing!

Now, I’ve absorbed a lot, and will be going over it more slowly with my counselor in sessions to come, starting Friday, but several things are sinking in.

The Unconditional Yes. This is related to Equanimity, being that ability to stay rather calm in the face of whatever happens, which I used to be rather good at, but this year have not been so good at. I am, since yesterday, now trying to face the unknowns of my life with a more open heart, head and soul … and it has given me much relief already. Wow.

Meditation. I believe it is called Tonglen. But Meditation in general, and Spirituality. I am paraphrasing awfully badly here, but Tonglen is drawing in the bad, negative, fearful, painful feelings on the inhale, and then sending out lovingkindness into the world on the exhale. I don’t think I’m ready for that, but maybe you are. And maybe I’ve spelled it wrong. But there was a lot of affirmation for a lot of the meditation that I’ve done over the years, of sending lovingkindness out into the world, to my community, to my loved ones, to myself. Now, to my enemies, well. Not just yet on that one, but I’m working on that. And feeling at one, getting to the mystical, just reading those words again, hearing about Pema Chodron again. It reminds me of reading Sally Kempton’s great articles in Yoga Journal, over the yearsNow I want to read Ms. Chodron. 🙂

Last night I listened to lots of Ravi Shankar and meditated for about an hour and did fall asleep, although I woke up and was awake for many many hours after that. I was very calm for those waking hours, which is rare these days.

Learning from the Religion and Refuge in Nature. Huge inspiration there, and good timing, as we are experiencing some warm days here and there, and ultimately, Spring and Summer will come. Even so, it reminds me to look about me even more than I already do when I’m walking Chipper, and to go more deeply into my inspirational creativity with painting, which is already HUGE.

Feeling Feelings. One of the biggest things here is that feelings will not typically overwhelm you. They are meant to come and go. Well that is for “normal” people. Ha. Remember how I got angry for like, three years? Well … So … I’m working on it. But it has a lot about how our early developmental years will mean a lot about our adult responses to folks in our relationships and with our responses to ourselves — what we allow our friends to do when they are hurting. The main thing is to just stay with the feelings, to stay with our friends without trying to control anything, to guide anything, to just be with the feelings, to be with the friend. How wild is that? And wild is exactly what we are supposed to get closer to being.

See, we are supposed to meditate and be spiritual and get psychological help, also. Apparently you can meditate until you’re blue and still have all these childhood issues that are unresolved, so that you’re still repressing all this stuff to stay “cool” and controlled. And with the psychological help, you still need the spiritual guidance to have the goodness, the meditative aspects, to be more whole in this world that requires us to be more socially active and involved to make it a better place, to evolve. I’m all into all of that.

So I’ve almost finished the book, my homework. Yay.

And it’s been a really chilled out day, internally. What an enormous, incredible blessing. Thank you, David Richo and my counselor, and me for reading the book, right, and applying it, for being open to it. Hooray. Thought I’d share. Hope it gives you some seeds to grow on, because you know seeds are amazingly powerful, right? 🙂

 

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
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