I’m so happy for these detail shots, because you can really see the light and depth of brushstrokes. On the left side, I decided to stay more with the leafy strokes, whereas on the right side, it’s a lot thicker, darker, more deep detrus jungle if you will. I like playing with different brush stroke styles in the same painting, even from a watercolor, to a very thick painting style. Whoa fun.
Then I remembered I’m recovering from a cold.
And laying there in bed I was so very still and dissociated. Realizing that I’ve been very still, between what I had been considering the relative negative painful volcano (i.e., don’t touch much unless you feel like processing) of my heart, and the definitely defensive and ouchy and regressive for sure (and possibly what I would call insane) Jackson on the right. bah. You definitely don’t want to be trying to touch Jackson.
So I lay there trying to talk to Jackson, figuring he/she/it is the bigger dealio to thunder down first. And there is no talking to it. Really. Such a mouth on her. Holding us all relatively hostage under her umbrella, protective whatever or not, but who wants to go near her? Sick of it, I said look. You need to take a break from this defensive posture. No one is hurting you and you need some TLC. Whatever and thus and so.
Then I turned to the heart and just then listened to some music, possibly from a new album of theirs, by Elbow about focusing on your breath and heartbeat — and something about being at peace (what is that? oh yeah! duh!) and angel heart —
right, innocent heart! we are all born with one —
so that was quite helpful to let rise up and feel, instead of what was there before, le sigh
and I had done some yoga before and they kind of connected with the powerful Sun on the bed and Chipper’s breathing and the yummy warm tea I had just had
it’s so weird to have multiple personalities and not really know what the hell is going on sometimes and just kind of wake up in these states, you know? I do my best, and I think I’m on the right track with the heart meditations
so in the book, Meditation for the Love of It, the next step is to find a central source outside of yourself (although it’s really part of you like everything IS) (ONE, right?) but just for a reference point — that you admire — to channel positive energy from — like a really GOOD BIG one —
so a friend in January had given me a statue for my spiritual altar, my Buddhist one, but it’s kind of more now — and it is the Bodhisattva of Compassion in flowing robes, holding a happy baby —
at first I was kind of like — that is not right for me — because of the maternal image, because I didn’t know — anyway — I have Mother issues, right? anyway nothing against them or children but I had a heart pang(s) or something at first in response to it and wasn’t sure — until she told me what it was — and then I was like SURE
and now that I need to choose for this meditation exercise, I’m like Jackson sure needs compassion, I need compassion internally for all the CRAP, and my heart, etc. — TLC as I like to call it — eternally — but Jackson especially
so that is my quest — heh
but it’s kind of hard for me to imagine a big chunk of compassion just kind of flowing in big waves into my Self, heart — I’m working on it, for sure
the painting sure feels great —
but the heart meditation and processing is hard
hey, Spring, feels GREAT
and my cold is almost gone — looking at the positive sides!
and I got my hair cut today! yay!
so, back to bed — I have a 7:15-9 ish meeting of the Art League of Germantown tonight — so rest I must!