This is actually representing painting progress all completed yesterday, as I wasn’t able to paint today. I used straight Sap Green from the tube, with Acrylic Glazing Liquid here and there, but largely I daubed the paint on the canvas to create the texture of juicy and dynamic jungle leaves. In some cases, I painted in a Vietnam Jungle code. Now again, I can’t explain what the code means, but it is of the Vietnam Jungle to me.
It belongs there to me, from my experiences. So to this extent, although I would love to put a brilliant red stripe in the grasses in the forefront of this piece when it is completed? I may, I may not to end the series with a point. But I have included code throughout the series in all the other colors, save red.
Today counseling was very good for venting and getting my feet back underneath me although I felt like they were under when I went in. So it was reaffirming. Affirming. Strengthening of shaky ground, shaky body and hands.
Then I had a fun time with a friend at the Corner Bakery where my shaky body received a Strawberry Banana smoothie with extra protein boost or something and I stopped shaking so much.
Chipper was most relieved to see me when I came home and I gave him some I’m home crunchies and loved on him until he calmed down. Now he’s ensconced on the bed in the dappled sunlight there.
The screenplay is coming along well, although it is emotionally painful to write about my life story as I am, since it is in large part in the beginning a memoir — before the character takes off into literary fiction, running off to Paris, where until this October, I have never been.
So, I added three abuse scenes that are not in the book to the screenplay today. The alters told me to include them, and I did so in ways that are not super shocking to the viewer but definitely are revealing as to what happened or the potential for what was happening.
I included them because I remembered more since I wrote the novel in 2010/11. And because in the novel there are some shockers at the end basically but … it is imbalanced to me now.
I want the screenplay to be more fragmented, like my consciousness, which is easier to do with video. Flashbacks and the like. Blip Blip Blip what was that?
But it’s moving. I’m on page 27 of the novel and page 7 of the screenplay.
But it’s like with everything now, my right hand is keeping me from doing much of anything for any length of time, writing painting …
that’s pretty much it … writing or painting
but even massaging Chipper, brushing my teeth effectively is really hard
using my right hand is hard for anything anymore so Jason is going to see if the grocery store has any kind of brace that makes sense for now until I can get to the doctor
still doing yoga but very carefully, in the morning and at night
flashbacks due to the screenplay are especially vivid
and i’ve had two new memories that I’ve emailed to the counselor on Tuesday, so it’s been really active around those as well
so meditation is really management and somewhat more dissociative and emotional processing — when I say management it means of alters and images and stuff — just like traffic cop or playroom manager — just literally what the hell is going on from second to second — do I still know where I am and what Ii am doing kind of thing
even in bed resting
so it’s a challenge right now but I’ve been through it many a time, many a year by now
so no worries
just trying to work on a painting and a screenplay as distractions from the pain, but in a way, both are creative therapy — Vietnam Jungle is processing my memories of the Vietnam War and everything in my life related to THAT and Nature … and the screenplay is about transforming the story of my life into a beautiful healing fantasy … like in Saving Mr. Banks — rewriting the wrongs in a literary form — and why not — in a painting — it’s creative therapy when I can manage it —
like Walt Disney said …