I am almost completed with painting, now that the canvas is covered with paint. You can see that the sky, which I painted yesterday, is in ripples of black and a pale blue (which I mixed from Prussian Blue and Titanium White). It is intended to represent, as the entire landscape ripples as well, the layered effects over time of war, across centuries, or even years or decades, or days. I’m hoping it has a surreality.
I have yet to add detail to the green palm to the upper left, and much more detail the jungle at mid to upper right.
Black represents death. It has an infinity to it in war, during war and in and of itself, in that it is an ending that has no end. A black hole.
Similarly the light gray blue of the mushroom cloud matches the wire of the barbed wire, a tiny strip of water, or purity in the midst of the painting, and the strips of sky above left. The sky is also infinite, the blue sky if anything a mere veil to the infinite blackness of the universe. (not counting the celestial bodies, etc. which are seemingly infinite)
For here I’m setting some of my color code, as I said, for the abstract world of the Viet-Nam War to me, in my head. As it was. But interpreted in paint to best of my ability, that storm of flashbacks, onto canvas.
The process is like returning to a wound.
To vet it, to process it. To heal it, almost like after a surgery, to work it out. To get the poison out, suddenly I remember in some old movies where they would cut at a snakebite and some brave soul would suck at the wound to get at the venom, hoping to save a life.
Now that’s back woods, back in the day.
But now that I’ve been after and after this painting, working at its code and its puzzle all this time, some two weeks now, it’s making sense what I’m doing with this project and why. How morbid it sounds on the front end, explaining it to someone, but in the process, how natural, how very natural it seems, a week in.
Literal trauma these kids went through. Okay. My alters. I’ve let them paint to their heart’s content, and some have painted messy and some neat. Some in black on Christmas Day with a great deal of grief and release. And I’ve gone back over some of the messy with fresh Viet-Nam lime paint to emphasize the shape and it’s cool.
There is some code coming through, and some transcendence, today, with some of that shape and light work with the yellow and brighter lime mixes from the older palette, and with the tiny brush.
I’m racing through it, though, I know, to get to the abstract world of true code. To clouds and sudden explosions of color. Because it is the unknown, the frontier of this project. I’m not saying we won’t see the landscape again, a palm tree, etc. Context as it were, a few more paintings in, down the line … who can say? but I’m drawn into this black hole …
still extremely hard getting out of bed in the morning even with my excitement about this new painting series, albeit emotionally INTENSE to say the least and the screenplay to work on (albeit at a particularly INTENSE point in the drama)
I’m trying, setting my Iphone to time and the radio on after that and using motivational thoughts — usually when my stomach growls … it is the time.
Chipper has become quite flexible but that isn’t really good. I should be more consistent. For his sake. For my sake. I’m working on it.
That being said, once I’m up, I still have problems with walking and functioning etc … but have added yoga before the 5 pm walkie for example and a new tea ritual … I’ve also started a bit of seated meditation with the tea ritual … hoping that it aids in strengthening my core muscles as well …
The holidays were loving on the one hand as they should be but very hard for me as usual from my history at the same time … so I painted and rested, alternately, when we were not with Jason’s family.
Chipper loved his stocking SO much on Christmas morning. He is now conjuring up new ways to beguile me into giving me the rare treats he now KNOWS he has up there SOMEWHERE, MOMMY.
We’ve also had absolutely beautiful weather lately, very mild, so walkies with Chipper and I have just been very soulful and amazingly comforting.
OH, except for the landscape dudes of Hispanic origin, which I say only because a) it is the fact of the 6 guys in this group? and b) because if it’s a cultural thing it needs to be addressed?
who next to the extensive new city park going in next to the new library (where the wetlands still are, although they are much pressed upon by the park) … were bringing enormous trees from their company to be planted by them and the very nice city dudes who normally work there
called me one offensive name which looks like this P— and means whore. OMG and said “and look she knows it, too.” in English behind my back as I walked by. OMG and I was wearing that day, of course to my chagrin and SHAME of SHAMES the black moto jacket and black jeans, right? they all said it, all six of them laughing at me
but it happened again to a limited extent this week and I was wearing comfy pants with fans on them and a white puffer jacket and tee — I mean — they could care — it’s not me it’s not what I wear — it’s THEM, only one of them had the nerve to say it and then they all laughed —
I so want to report them — !!!
the first time it happened inside I was like, I am a good person, I am a good person
Of course I am — OMG
It’s sexual harassment!
so, besides that.
so what exactly have women done to get so screwed over by men in the world for so long?
but the list is long. Anyone who can be bullied in this world.
Which is the focus of a good meditation I think. To send out loving energy against all that … negativity out there. To keep “fighting” the good fight. If it means reporting those guys, so be it. If it also means seated meditation in addition to 24/7 meditation, yes. 🙂