After much effort, I can now say that Viet-Nam War I is done. It did take much decoding in terms of color, but also spontaneous painting at the end. I mean that I had to get really close to the mushroom cloud and think about what I wanted to see there in detail but it had to a lyrical and of the moment style to come out of my subconscious, unplanned, unsketched. Uncharted, as it were. Hey … it could happen. But this is different, this series isn’t about beauty. War isn’t beautiful.
I went back and forth with my memories and emotions about the atomic bombs I had seen films of. The detonations of whatever this and that tonnage of increased this will do that to them now bombs dropped on Viet-Nam clouds and jungles and fields and whatevers. It blurs and hurts remembering. From above it is indifferent, from from far away the cloud is like a beautiful indifferent mushroom, killing and incinerating things from afar. Perfectly. How did I paint that and transcend that at the same time? Because this was really the center of the insanity, the center of the war and the painting. Something completely on and off at the same time.
Black and white, straight and curved and crooked, still and exploding, whole and … fractured, broken … into the jungle … into the ground, into the sky and everything …
Then it needed more dimension, so half-joking, but for real, I did add shimmering sheer slightly just orange/white/silver wisps to the blast that you can only really see sideways. Isn’t that the way. The devil?
There’s a song, the devil wears a suit. Isn’t that the way? Silverfish? Shark? Just this side of a shiny suit?
And here is the second dip into the murky pool that is the Viet-Nam: A Journey Series. Okay. To be perfectly honest, I always always, or almost always have painted with a sketch. I just don’t like where I don’t head without one, which is … nowhere? Boundless forms and wildness? I eventually dibble myself into something but by then, I mean, I have to start over? Case in point. This painting. Fortunately I ended up with SOME elements that I like? Gah.
You can’t really tell in this foto but there is an overarching tri-arm which would otherwise be called and should be called a jungle branch, symbolically, painted boldly and cleanly, smoothly, in Mars Black and Hunter’s Green. La. That I like. No sketch there. Then I have what I am calling above left, the single red blood cell to symbolize in this painting all loss of life in the war. A single drop of blood, as it were. It’s massive and expressive.
There is Chromium Green there as well, to be determined, which painted over a loop I didn’t like.
Okay, then below there, I painted over, in Titanium White, an ENTIRE free form section which was quite fiery and bloody and cave wall like. No. Just … no. We don’t want to go there. No, we don’t.
So, I’m keeping, for the time being, just the very edges of that mayhem, which is TRUE and REAL and verily expressed in its time but had to GO. I didn’t dare even show it to YOU. So. That’s what painting without a sketch will get you. The, I could have done that, comments in the fine art gallery. Yes! YES!
We do not want that.
Now, given that a fine matte plane of paint is so simple LOOKING that one could just as easily say in the fine art gallery, I could have done that. Well, whatever.
I cannot please the world and shall not try but I have to please myself.
Speaking of which, gah! So, I’m trying to decide what in the world to do about painting the Viet-Nam War in the abstract when it is horrific but who wants to see a row of horror, really? I mean, I mean — something … I have to … what am I trying to say here? exactly. What am I trying to paint here? Am I trying to stylize war itself into something I can understand and relate to for that particular war? and just how do I intend to do that?
whew! so hmm. Colors. forms. explosions. stripes.
You see, my flashbacks of wounded soldiers in agony coming along in stretchers off helicopters, slomping along in the rice paddies or in the jungle, peering out of helicopters with their machine guns over the fields … these are colors to me now … drippy colors … and my thoughts about it all, well, more colors and flashes come into it — thoughts from then, you see, were so intense … very sharp, very …
well, we shall see what I can make of it
I’m learning so very much from all of this …
my fibromyalgia … oh my dears. Let’s just say it’s kicking my butt.
I do yoga as much as I can.
One day it’s my knees, next day my left elbow, today it’s my right hand and it was super uber hard to wash and dry the left side of my body, okay?
Gah. Surprise and deal, cope.
With what I’m trying not to call flashbacks but alters, I’m learning to relate to as alters dropping in to BE. with ME. Me being a Host? or another Alter? I don’t know anymore really I am … ha I am just present with … the moment.
I must say … I’m a lot more poetic and artistic this way … I guess? I’m fun to be with myself and hopefully fun to be with. ?
Random words … Ursa Majoris … ha … come through like that just for fun, for example, to keep things interesting, kind of like a screen saver for the mind. Ha.
I guess I need one? Or two?
I was thinking yesterday that if you were to visualize in a film how the alters, the more traumatized ones, come through, it’s like they fall into my typing on the computer backwards in their time in their trauma and are none too happy or understanding of where they are … I say hey, or I’m sorry that happened to you, and they’re like, What? Who are you? Like Groundhog’s Day or whatever over and over and over. But I try to be patient with them nonetheless.
Some of them HAVE figured it out at this point. Thank GOD. I decided to give them code words so that I can say that instead of something consoling instantly upon their entering “my” world so they can grok faster. It is working. Yes. This is a new thing for us that has us very excited for we have stumbled upon something quite … progressive, and … technological in our world.
There aren’t many developments in our world except broken things. There are lots of broken things and not many “fixes”.
Speaking of fixes, there are two: a bag of “beans”, corn I believe that my sister-in-law Georgia gave me for microwaving that I put on the MIDDLE of my back yesterday? Heaven! and a wraparound neck bag, full of lavender and herbs, also for the microwave? that my mother-in-law Arlene gave me for Christmas — oh yes … 🙂 thank you both! ahhhh temporary relief.
It snowed overnight, in a substantial but not overwhelming and fun, pretty way. Chipper had fun playing in it and me walking in it my goat clogs — boiled gray wool wooden clogs with one snowflake flower stamped on each — great tread beneath, hence the goat monikker — and Chipper earned his snow moustachio — so adorable sparkling on his whiskers there
It will be cold for some days so it won’t be melting anytime soon on the side walks — hee — I know not everyone likes the snow but Chipper and I do
Happy Winter? okay — 😛