First of all, let me say that I went back to the piece Viet-Nam Jungle VII to the lower right corner, and am seriously studying this cut of it, for the open “window” of the current painting, Viet-Nam War II.
I pondered for some great deal of time about what I wanted to sketch in this new space, after I painted over in white, what I had painted over, quite enraged, in red and rust. The ravages of war. It was too horrific for words, and didn’t go with the rest of the painting above, which was clear and linear, in comparison. So.
I pondered. I wanted something jungle, something geometric, and deep. And there you have it, right up there in the lower right of that other painting. Yes, there it is.
Of course, I’m not copying it outright, for this is a different series, and a different painting.
So, the sketch.
Ha. That’s pretty rough, eh? But I knew where I was headed. That’s done in charcoal. And of course that charcoal is going to “weep” into my lighter colored paints, mind you. But I like that here. And of course, I can lighten things up later, but dark is good here.
Now, for my first layers into this sketch, I made some grassy undergrowth, or foreground in green, then Iron Oxide for the weepy, dying palm branches.
Now that’s pretty! But war is not pretty, remember, so we must darken things up a lot. For, my thought is, from the lower right there, that soldiers, and refugees, civilians, they are having to walk through the fear of the darkness that is the jungle, the unknown. All of them are having to do that then. Not knowing about who is hiding there, if there are traps waiting for them, or wild animals, snakes, bugs — what have you. It is quite fearsome.
What a crazy place for a war!
So here I’m adding very geometric, for now, pieces in black and darker green, also Chromium Green (which just came in the mail!) to add elements of depth and fear. Also, I am adding the Chromium Green dabs and triangles just so, because you see in the upper left there is the symbolic jungle green next to the symbolic red drop? I’m balancing that green out in the lower section of the painting on purpose, for movement as well. And it’s sharp, on purpose, a bit angry, on purpose. There will need to be more blending for sure for right now that Chromium Green is standing out a bit too much for me in the more yellowy green grass. But it is a puzzle and a process.
But you can see, it is coming together.
For the hard part, and why, well, one reason why I have been so very quiet since Paris.
For one reason is the fibromyalgia. It keeps me down, for sure. I’m not functioning very much at all, compared to before October. So there’s that.
Secondly, this series of the Viet-Nam War is more of an internal one. Or has been. We shall see.
But honestly. Well, I’m going through, or my husband and I are going through a divorce.
There’s no other way to say it. There are no villains. We are amicably separating and I will be moving to Nashville, TN around March – ish. I have such dear friends there, such fond memories of the funky – ness and fun – ness that is there, plus my industrial sites and so many Nature parks are there. 🙂 Plus, and most importantly, I can AFFORD to live there on my disability income, with a lot of help, I must say, and again I am most blessed.
So, it’s been hard to blog about things when that’s been going on. You know?
That’s all I’m going to say about that. For now. Except that it is gut wrenching and sad and that I am also doing okay. I will be okay. I am looking forward to my new life in Nashville.
I am reorganizing my art studio with a seriousness. Seems like I stopped filing ANYTHING about two years ago. Rutro. So I filed it two days ago. No worries. Also, I have a semi-enormous collection of magazines that I have kept for painting images … potential painting images, that are strewn about … I need to cull the images and recycle the magazines.
All the paintings must come down from the walls and be wrapped, and I need to decide what little art I can bring with me to Nashville, and that is very little, for I can afford a very little apartment. The rest of the art will stay here for now, thankfully it still has a home. I am blessed. So I have to a bit of curating for my walls and what I hope to submit to Nashville galleries, newer paintings, you know?
I continue to do my yoga very frequently and I cannot recommend it enough, and do, almost daily, to someone. Also, meditation, I recommend to people, all the time.
Just last night, at 1:38 am, I had another memory surface, and emailed my counselor about it for Friday. The alter and I stayed up for a while as she told me all about it — it was gross, and we dealt.
Alters come up frequently, while I brush my teeth, while I condition my hair, oh, all the time, and I’m beginning not to resent them, but to understand them.
Beginning to, I said.
I was in a fairly good mood this morning dressing, putting on my socks, when a helicopter went over and I flashed on the wounded US soldiers coming in, the Huey choppers bringing them in … and I was shaken for a good thirty minutes. I try to be in a central space but things still shake me. I have to feel the feelings and be with them until they pass, not be in denial. Not shake them off, or they will come back to haunt me later. Not repress them.
That being said, not wallow.
Allow the Sun to shine into me. As it is right now through the windows of this lovely space which is the studio.
I have to stay in the moment, not get overwhelmed by the tremendous transition happening in my life right now. I mean, moving to another state, moving at all is a big change, but a divorce is a big deal. So when they ask you to check off stressors in your life, I have like … 4-5 or like more … right? So, I’m being super careful with myself. Even more so than I usually am. Lots of TLC.
Painting and creating and having something to do is really helpful. Going forward.
Doing a little each day on the studio is really helpful instead of letting it pile up before me like a mountain. It’s really not that hard that way.
Thank you for listening and staying with me, you all. I’m sorry for being so absent, but now you know why. I’ll see if I can be a bit more present, but I don’t know what I can promise. I’m feeling a bit like I’m in my cave, you know? So we shall see. It’s a bit of a private process, a private transition, not something I want to broadcast.
Painting and creative process, yes – the other emotional processing, not so much. So if you’ll hang with me .. I would appreciate it. Hugs! 🙂