So with all the pieces, I really intended them to be completely abstract. What? No, I did. With this painting I’m getting closer to that intention. As you can see in the sketch above, there are large areas for block or matte paint, which I will or will not include more details, either in the surface with brush strokes or additional layers of sheer or matte color. There are also areas where I will be more lyrical, as I call it, within the brush strokes, with more sheer or transparent paint, which in this case will be Sap Green jungle areas in the central sections, and Iron Oxide in the outer mid sections. Or that is my intention. Then on top of all of that, there will be circles, or dots of color, with which I am experimenting, reds and yellows and blacks, I’m not sure, to represent bomb sites and radiating … destruction. Agh. We shall see what those turn out to be. I also want there to be a drippiness to the Sap Green and Iron Oxide sections, to indicate weeping, crying, sadness, desolation, loss …
Here, above you can see I’ve started to paint some of the central sections of the piece — sigh. I sigh here because this was tough to paint, tough to talk about. Remember this is healing, therapeutic creativity, yes? No? Okay. First, I painted the blood. Yes, blood red, Dark Cadmium Red in the center dripping straight down.
Then I painted the death black, Mars Black, reaching up, insistent, fighting even on the surface with aggressive brush strokes, unpredictable, from the lower right, and in the two upper left irregular rectangles. They are deliberately imperfect. Uneven.
Then I searched on the internet for a Viet-Nam era Huey helicopter and shivered and shook as I found them, all going in the wrong direction oddly, all of them were facing in the other direction to the way I wanted. No worries. That in the upper portion of the painting is an abstract Huey helicopter, left abstract on purpose. I tried it more in detail and it freaked me out and didn’t go with the rest of the painting, and again, I’m trying to be more abstract here. But you can tell, especially once you know. And if you have any recall from those years, you pick it up right away from the color, the windows, and the overall shape, and the shape of the little bit of rudder there. Shiver, I shiver again.
I love those Hueys, they were lifesavers to me. I know they would shoot at people on the ground, too, but for me being pro-US, they were always going to be picking people up off the ground and taking them out of the war zones. Merciful creatures, so that is what that means to me in this piece. Okay.
So I started to put the Chromium Green straight out of the tube as I have on the first two paintings, here and there, and it would match, right? But I couldn’t do that for the Huey. It just wouldn’t be right. So I made a special Huey mix, don’t you know, of Neutral Gray, Hansa Yellow and Chromium Green until I had it down a bit closer, not exactly camo green (I could have worked for that but I decided not to) to what I was striving for — a mid-camo green. Just off. Closer to. Just so it is evocative, and I think it is. It is for me anyway.
My lower back, and, well, everything hurt so much, yesterday. Boo.
I’m hurting a lot today, too. Not sure if I’ll be able to paint at all today. More about doing a little light housework and resting. Which does not make me a happy girl. I mean, I’m in good spirits today, fairly bright, but I would rather be painting. I need a bumper sticker that says that, eh? hee
My mental state is fairly dissociative as well. Last night when I filled my contact lens cup, later I didn’t remember having done that, or having taken my nighttime medicine, so I had to check, after I brushed my teeth. While I was brushing, I was like, so which “me” did all that then, who is UP now if someone else did those two things. So puzzling. And why did I dissociate for getting ready for sleepies? I don’t know.
That happens during the day, where I lose time. Precious time. I try to stay focused but still it happens. It’s common for folks with multiple personalities, or dissociative identity disorder, but it’s fricking unsettling. I have to be responsible. That’s one reason why I can’t drive long (“long”) distances, etc. It’s good for me to be with people all the time, except when I’m at home. It’s good for me to have Chipper, for example, to have routines, like walking him, like regular activities that keep me involved in life. Sounds simple. It kind of is? But it’s more challenging than it sounds, of course, or I wouldn’t be on disability. Right.
Chipper and I had great walkies today, not too cold and the snow had just started falling. Now it’s about 1:30 and almost time for second walkies and the snow is about … four – five inches deep, light, soft and pretty. We’re not going anywhere far, so that’s nice. Just snuggled in.
I do have a gallery application due on Friday, but I don’t have it in me to work on it much today, for tomorrow then.
I have been working a lot on the housing search tho, so we shall see what we shall see. Wish me luck! 🙂
Well, now is the time for walking in the lovely snow! I hope you have a good day wherever you are! 🙂