This is as far as I have gotten so far in the wild and luscious and emotional “screaming flower” that is the moment of Viet-Nam War IV. I have had to stop painting and break down my studio as of February 25, 2015, so take note: no painting is going on from this point until my studio is reopened with further notice. Agh. But it must be. I had stopped painting about a week ago, so distracted by the move and packing up various rooms, including the studio, so it was time anyway, I thought. But still hard, you know, but I do so with great care and respect for my art and tools.
Here are some photographs from the process of breaking down the studio, which actually happened today, clearing off the drafting table, where I truly play in the studio, which had become a mecca of things … ? … now cleared to the bone of surfaces.
Now here is post cleaning …
Now for what the studio looks like at the moment without a painting going on? and without the beat up black backing that I use to support the canvases?
Now you may see the brand name DOLE splashed all over those boxes above? and that’s because they’re banana boxes. Wait a minute. I have to clear each one of them of their former banana trash without looking inside, mind you, and I’m scared of spiders as it is …. eep! so this is the incredible bravery aspect of the move. Apparently. Um.
Only five more boxes to endure, I mean clear of banana innards. OMG.
I also wrapped carefully all the unfinished paintings, meaning all the recent paintings that have unfinished edges, which is about five. Oh. I’m behind, I tell you. Oh well. I’ll catch up in April? May?
Just be in the now. For now.
It’s like every day I have to do something major.
And in the mean time something extra special is happening with my sleep medication. I have to be off my generic Lunesta which works so well, as well as anything can, mind you, nightmares and menopause, and extra stress right now. Hmm. Anyway, but I was doing just fine … well I went on a new insurance co in January and they’re nice and gave me a 30-day supply but said you need to get a formulary exception for this because it’s not on our formulary. Hello.
So I’ve tried one drug last week. Nope, makes me itch all over, is a medicated sleep that is incomplete and I’m sooooo groggy the next day whereas the next day with Lunesta, no grog. But now, the past two days, a nicer one that is more natural based on Melatonin ? is working much better, although today sooooo groggy it was super harder to get out of bed when it’s already super hard due to FM achies and depression/stress? agh. Hmm. So I’m trying.
I’m having a lot of high school alters up and hearing lots of words, voices, dialogue, due to the extra stress. The voices are just jibberish but sometimes argumentative, sometimes playful with wordplay, which hasn’t happened for many many years, so I’m wondering if my poet is coming up. Whoa. ?
I’ll be writing with the screenplay again hopefully in April so that should be a good landing/combination.
I did have a bookish alter come to me with an image of all the books we used to have as children ? and say it wanted a code, that it was very old and needed a code for all of it, for vocabulary … for something reading/vocabulary like that was very old. Wow. So the alters are thinking about this code thing way down deep and getting back to me. I must say I was unprepared and need to get back to this one asap. I’ll take the quest to my counselor by emailing her today.
I must admit to a great deal of surrealism, but also a clarity and cleanness that is beginning to make sense. I’m moving, that’s all. I must be organized and focused and be careful of my self and eat, rest, sleep.
I’m also seeing friends with the time I have left before I am gone. There is a Viet-Nam: A Journey group meeting this weekend, and we are even adding a member to our collaboration with care. More on that later.
I am doing yoga where I can, and it is still the godsend that it always is. I can’t say enough about how it helps me balance my muscles and bones, cricks and spots that jump up each day needing help settling down. The stretching and realignment of the muscles and bones feel so good, too. Mmmm, good, yoga.
When I’m resting, though, I’m very fidgety lately. I try to meditate, classically, by watching my breath, observing my thoughts, the latter which never can stop, really, for me to be a responsible person, for me to be a non-dissociated person, to function. But lately there is just so much on my mind, and the flashbacks/alters come in so fast and so … disjointedly … you know … from such random time periods and unrelatedly … good bad and indifferent … just … and odd sort pretty much all the time so I just kind of live in a collage like world? when I’m resting I observe and manage and try to rest the best I can.
At least I’m sleeping better now. 🙂
My last day here will be March 21. I hope to blog before then, but the computer will be going down, obviously, around then, so … stay tuned … I’ll be back up and running around April 1!