It took a few hours to get this black background in, and it’s not IN all the way, as you can see. I need to find the brave soul to paint into the other colors there, into their edges just enough to make the black solid. But I’m liking the effect so far, you?
As I painted, or began, I thought, it should come from above, right. Straight down, center. I painted somewhat morosely, definitely sadly, remembering the views of the jungle from the bombers and the helicopter windows. the concentric circles as the bombs fell, remembering the strange new code name Agent Orange, and how I loved Oranges and the color Orange and how that had nothing at all to do with deforestation of the jungle there. How nonsensical it was, how ceaseless the bombing and destruction and death seemed at the time. How it continues in my soul and mind as PTSD is … but it did have an end, didn’t it?
Of course other wars have begun, but there have been times of peace, and we should be thankful for those times. Yes.
And as I’ve said before, yes, the jungle grew back. Innocent and primal, yes it DID.
Such a hard time getting out of bed this morning due to depression and chronic physical pain. Nightmares last night as well. Bah.
Finally did get myself up ten minutes before a facetime call with my former counselor which was a wonderful thing for her to do for me, pro bono. Like gold, it was, her understanding me, everything, knowing exactly, EXACTLY what questions to ask, and, seemingly, exactly how to soothe me, encourage me. Just like always. God I miss her. Wow.
What a difference she makes in my life. What a difference the right counselor makes.
But paint I did, my hands be damned. And tonight I’m going to wash Chipper. I mean, I have to do things. Not injure myself, but … wtf? I have to live.
My counselor said, one step forward at a time. Yes. I can do that.