Long time no see! Things are really intensely … seriously intense lately. Good and bad, I guess. I’ve been painting, but … a lot going on in my life. Hard to know where to start. Painting … Above is the finished Jamaican Sunset. I haven’t put her on the website yet even. But there you get to see her first! aha!
And right back into the series of note, Viet-Nam War VII. This actually was quite a surprise to me and evolved rather organically from researching an older painting in a similar vein, Viet-Nam Jungle VII. Well, a portion of it, close up and on its side. See below, for the sketch was derived directly from this:
Now the palette is similar but the war has a more aggressive everything, shapes, colors, everything. But it is there in the original, the movement, and the lost soldier to the left, dropping, being dropped into the jungle from the sky.
Cool, and very sad, really, for the War one everything is swirling around him completely out of his control and incredibly as in war, life-threateningly dangerous. There is also a boomerang for his karma, and the karma of the whole damned war, spinning out and back to the man, who is everyman, every soldier on both sides. Damned. For that is war is it not? Some kind of damned split second luck and grit and who effing fires first and knows how to react in another split second and so on and so on and so on. That is what I see and what I am trying to convey.
Right now I’m working on the Pop colors and shapes and when that first layer is done, I’ll edge in the deep triangles and codes of the background in largely Hunter’s Green. It will be enormously complex.
tonight we’re taking my dear dog friend Chipper to live in Maryland with Jason again. He is too destructive of anything in his sight, to the rental property and to himself, when I leave him even for short periods of time anymore.
It really hits me hard, because I love him so very much. He has an enormous amount of freedom here and a big yard to play in with his dog friend Siddha. But he just freaks out when I’m gone. I’ve tried numerous configurations with him, crate, closed off kitchen, front yard with covered porch. He digs out, he picks up the crate with his teeth and crashes holes into the drywall, he tears foot long holes of linoleum into strips. And then, like nothing happened, he is all chill again once I’m home, Like, Hey, You’re Back. Cool.
It truly breaks my heart. But there is nothing to be done but to give him to a better set of resources that can handle the stress of his system and manage his care better than I can.
How would you feel if you woke up and your face was suddenly all puffed out? Well that was my body’s reaction to the Cogentin. So off of that and on an enormo amount of Benadryl and all week, I hesitated to say anything until today … the opposite … how would you feel if you woke up with humongous dark circles under your eyes all of a sudden every day of the week and a little puff under them to accentuate the old look?
So they decided to bring me down a lot on the Benadryl starting tonight and I sure hope it does the trick because I don’t the sudden old look. I much prefer the gradual … gradual effects.
I’m so vain.
I have a new specialist counselor who I saw for the first time on Tuesday and it was a real relief, nothing again the prior one here in Nashville, but the expertise in Dissociative Identity Disorder makes such !!! a difference in the initial inventory … in everything, the priorities of what we need to focus on … what we look at first under the microscope. Yes. Hello there partner.
sigh of relief. Sort of like a homecoming in a way, a circle in a good way, a safety net.
Driving around town, anywhere is really challenging still, even though I’m not glued to directions for navigation as I once was. Hooray? but I’m still very tentative and remember going into shock a few weeks ago on my way to an appointment during a heavy duty rainstorm. Super dangerous and scary. Even talking or writing about it elicits a shock response so I have to be careful not to do that very often.
The alters come up fast and furious and it hurts when they do. They bring up or land on trauma, trauma .. trauma … bam bam bam …. and it’s hard to catch a break … even on the new medication levels.
so … i’m blessed to have the space to rest and create … but it’s hard to live alone, because I have trouble getting myself to eat … take my allergy spray and fiber pills regularly … to have order … when kids are up … I don’t want to … and who’s enforcing it? really. There is no control … so it’s hard to have a regimen and routine but i’m trying.
I will need to set my alarm for a reasonable hour now that Chipper won’t be waking me up at 6 am to go out …
… poor lil guy … we’re both going to miss each other but I have hope we’ll both adapt well in time …