Fragments III: Beginning

DSC_0001-(1)

First, yesterday, I sketched in rust and raw umber, mixed, with a medium round brush, from a tiny sketch I’ve had for some time. This reminds me of cells, and roots, simultaneously. That being said, the ultimate image is to be of embers, the various stages and colors of something, in this case, me, burning. Ouch. Oh well.

In order for the integrity of the structure of the bones of those lines to stay intact, I had to be super-patient, which I did not want to do, and let them dry overnight. Blast! Argh. Oh well. But I did, and found other things to do, like work on my screenplay trilogy. Alas, which was a good thing, right? Yes. All in due time.

DSC_0002

This afternoon I began applying layers of a special mix of handmade pinks and glaze, with  cream. Mmm. Now, I ran out fairly well after two sections, of the initial mix. An old old rule of mine is never to start a painting without a good supply of a certain mix. But in a way I’m glad I didn’t, for I couldn’t have matched the initial mix, and didn’t on the next go around, and the painting is somehow better for the difference. The depth and transparency therein. So there, me with rules and such. Hmm. Any way, I used my smaller fan brush, and made extra special careful sure not to show ANY brush strokes. That being said, I did show some texture here and there, that I did like.

Next, is to let THIS layer dry, and what comes next is a bit of a surprise, even to me. I mean, I have ideas, but I’m not sure which way to go.

I really like this template and can see playing with this idea a lot with different color schemes, as a way to explore the fragments series. Yes. Me likey, a lot. It’s working for me. Mmm. You?

My hip bursitis is really acting up. At night it wakes me up and I have to keep flipping over to get to the other hip, which hurts less, relatively, than the hip I’m laying on, which is screaming out. During the day the left one in particular hurts all the time. Walking in particular. Hmm. My muscle spasms all over, and aches all over, are nuts. I have been back on the muscle relaxants I’ve been prescribed, like one a day, and yoga, lots. Inescapably, to survive, to move. It’s so hard to get out of bed, for those reasons and depression, and for getting over a chest/sinus infection, still. I’m ordering a special “Indian Cough Syrup” from the Vitamin Shoppe online on Wednesday because it has Osha root in it, and is supposed to kill icky virus and bacteria things organically. yay.

Let’s hope that works, eh? Ha. Otherwise I’m headed back to the doctor for another z-pack? Ida know. agh.

I walked down the gravel driveway in the melting snow for a bit of much needed exercise this morning, hoping to help my back and hip and everything else in the old body, right? And to get the mail from the mailbox. What happened but some nice older man pulls up in the driveway across the way, and introduces himself? Gives me three loaves of bread, and two of rolls, saying he delivers for a local bakery and also is our house for sale he’s becoming a realtor in a week? Yes, I say, etc.

Now that is extraordinary timing. I must say. I struggle with my hands and wrists gratefully all the way up the hill. Laughing at my good fortune. Laughing at my aches and pains now.

It was worth the pain, right? The freezer is now full of bread for many weeks to come.

I’ll do some more yoga and stop complaining? And head down the hill in the morning again for today’s mail tomorrow. It’s a good routine, and seems to pay off well, in bread, if not in exercise and inspiration from Nature. Birds abound in the seeming Nature sanctuary here on the farmhouse land.

~~

 

Advertisements
Posted in physical health, Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Okefenokee Watercolor I

waterside55This is a foto of mine from years ago taken in the fall in Okefenokee National Wildlife Refuge. It is in the Waterside collection and is Waterside 55. I’ve come into a small collection of lovely ornate gold and carved wooden frames in a rather smallish size, so I’ve gotten a sheet of Fabriano heavy lb. watercolor paper. I’ve cut it into six squares and begun a series of watercolors. This is the second, the first being pure exercise and given away to my housemate, because she likes it. 🙂

I’ve sketched the foto above in pencil, and have now moved on to a day’s worth of watercolor. See below, but please know this is only the beginning and I hesitate to show it to you for it is childlike, fairylike, compared to the dark creature it must become. Alas.

Many layers are forthcoming …

okefenokeewccut1

Now here I complete forgot that I should paint the background first. Rutro. For now with the tiniest of round brushes and the perfect amount of pigment to water on the brush, I must insert and layer in the background over time. OMG, is right, if you thought that on my behalf. Ha.

okefenokeecut2

Here I feel much better about where I’m going. Yay. I painted a bit of lime over the dark bank and enjoyed it immensely. This might turn out well after all?

Wish me luck …

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Fragments 2 – Weaving Color

photo-(2)

On Sunday I painted with the next to tiniest round brush, in black, then in lime. Perhaps you can see the fine lines and “code”? Also this painting has a lot of detail work that is not unlike the weaving of colors, for the first time, it seems, in my painting. I’m liking this fabric or textile effect very much. It’s not meant to be super perfect but to give that impression, that things are bound together somehow. Also, that there are ripple effects throughout the piece, is a new thing.

I think this one is almost done. I order new canvas tomorrow. A bit at a time. Yes?

🙂

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fragments 2 – First Layer – Dark Heart Spaces

DSC_0007

Now my heart is only as dark as the yin and the yang complement each other in lightness and darkness and the glass is half full. Of water.

And trying to figure out the inside of me is like trying to hold on to a piece of water and just as easy to decipher. Water is simple and hard at the same time.

It’s kind of like that. There is a system but you can’t see it and it’s slippy and it’s there but don’t look at it. So trying to paint it is super hard. Just so you know. Not sure how much congruity there will be across paintings. The code, the jungle code to be exact, is back in this one.

Inspired by a trip to the Nashville Public Library yesterday morning, a gallery of their book collection, of illustrators, including Matisse and Picasso, but also a particular color wood cut landscape only yeah big. It made me put green in my palette yesterday, a whole range of greens, really.

And beside the greens there will be blacks and reds and browns and rusts splitting, and molten, in anger and … sensitivity.

Like that.

Above to the upper left of the canvas will be the spiritual untouchable area in pinks, cloud-like I do hope. There is also a fan-like dark section to come yet in the mid left.

palette

Btw, Fragments 1 is Finitti. It is not beautiful. It is painful to me. I am moving on.

http://www.amyjackson.cc/paintings/fragments1.html

so I’m painting now … wish me luck! I’m going to post my progress in this thread in a few hours …

DSC_0001

And here you go. It’s like a complex structure or a city, but it’s like the inside of me somehow. It’s code, what have you. Do you like? hee. This is many layers, and it is not completed.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

New Industrial Fotos

DSC_0013

So last week I had the absolute thrill and excitement of taking industrial fotos at my beloved two sites here in Nashville, TN. See, last June I flew down here to take the fotos, and now I live here right next to them, wow. So it’s awesome. I did have to wait for the weather to be perfect, first for the heat to cool down from July to October, and then for the rain to stop and the lovely SUN to come out and stay out for the fotos. Eh? And she did.

I also tried something new this time, close-up fotos with a macro lens, and boy am I glad I did, for it opened up a whole new surface area and literal world to me.

DSC_0043

My focus, in the camera, the new/used D5200 Nikon I’m using that I traded for last Summer since I strained my wrists with the heavier Nikon I had before, was working so much better for me — and my eyes also were performing better for me as well, less eye strain? Less confusion and switching that I had noticed last year?

DSC_0012

I liberally played with the brightness and contrast feature in Photoshop and the fotos responded well, several of them getting quite jungly in response!

DSC_0013play

Without further ado, here is the link to the full Industrial Foto section:

http://www.amyjackson.cc/photographs/photographs.html#industrial

I do hope you enjoy looking through them and that you’ll consider getting a print, especially a metallic/silver one? they are so lovely. I’m getting prints made these days locally at Chromatics.

How am I? hmm. I’m doing okay. I’m super excited about these fotos, that’s for sure, and that goes a long way.

Painting is going very slowly. I can’t decide if Fragments I is complete or not. Hmm.

Wrote a lot on the treatment screenplay for the first film of three for Rebekah’s Closet: Fugue’s Alert last week. It’s coming along fairly well in Word now. Hoping to get the Final Draft software now that it is only around 99 dollars instead of 250?

Emotionally going through a lot from old processing. My counselor is wanting to talk to the alters, which actually she does all the time of course, but to go more deeply into the psyche. So this Friday will be interesting. She asked me to journal about how they are … controlled, how they work, and I did and sent it to her yesterday for preparation, kind of like pressure points for her to plan in advance. Driving anywhere for anything is already a challenge, so I have to get wrapped back up in order to drive home from the appointment. That is a big concern, you know.

Physically, a lot of aches and pains, due to Fibromyalgia, not walking as much lately due to not having Chipper and my two walk buddies being busy and … it not being safe to really walk alone here. And I had a cold. Bah. But I’m hanging in. Doing Yoga daily and as needed to get my bones aligned. It is the best med.

Loving the seasons changing and getting into my er, massive, scarf collection. Hee. Scarves are so expressive and cheerful. I seem to collect them? Yes? There are worse things.

So very much hoping Biden joins this race.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fragments I – Process II – Pizza Dough Recipe

DSC_0001

I’ve continued to paint, first in the charcoal regions, which to me represent my depressive states. ARgh.

Such as they are. Below my belly, in my head.

That black area remains gripping my torso.

The soft areas for some time gained some mouths and such soft things, but then, blood rushed through them. I need to detail them up much better, for they are not. They were done some what in a rush, in a draft format. Alas. Haven’t painted in some many days since then.

Screenplay required some upgrades of software and things and is FOUND and working, exporting to my friend’s software, Final Draft. whee. This is great news. I have only saved it, and have not worked on it, having had that major coup, and a rest.

Not feeling well physically and emotionally, well, coming along in fits and starts. can’t tell you all that is going on … but just know that I am doing my best.

made pizza dough from scratch tonight for the first time from a recipe given to me first by a dear friend now living in Italy and her dream … creating her own music singing to her guitar around Europe. woo.

and remembered and given to me then via text by Jason. so … here it is

Pizza Dough Recipe (add Herbs)

1.5 cups wheat flour
1.5 cups white flour
1 cup room temperature water
1 tbsp. honey
1.5 or more tbsp. dry active yeast
1/4 cup olive oil

Pinch or more of salt
pinch or more of cracked black pepper
rosemary and other dried herbs to taste

Add honey to water and dissolve. Add yeast to water and let bloom.

Add pinch of salt to flour (I added 1/4 tsp.). I also added 1/4 tsp. cracked black pepper, 1 tbsp. dried herbs (rosemary, sage, basil, oregano, thyme). Stir dry mix. Add water/yeast/honey mix to mixing bowl and turn on mixer with dough hook. Add 1/4 cup oil. Use mixer with dough hook to mix until blended to form ball of dough on hook.

Let rise for up to an hour, covered in bowl with tea cloth. Punch down. Let rise again for 45 minutes, then is ready to roll out onto pizza stone or pan. Add sauce and toppings from there …

It was so … good. The pizza stone cooked the pizza evenly and it did not stick to the stone. It was crisp and herby with the sauce I had augmented with the same garden herb mix, fresh mushrooms, and black olives, cheese. so simple.

I posted the Pope’s speech to Congress. Hallelu. He is awesome. I hope many heard what he said. I am still learning from him. It. He rocks my world. The world. Peace and Service. Namaste.

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Fragments I – Process

DSC_0002

DSC_0022

DSC_0002

In the past week, I have slowly been processing and writing about the new series Fragments. I am thinking, How can I express the pain of my Dissociative Identity Disorder, the horrible acts of abuse that made me split in the first place? It’s not beautiful. As an artist I strive to make things beautiful, though. So this is truly a struggle for me.

I have already painted and painted over, a layer of extremely scary stuff, which I showed a friend. I saw vintage holiday stuff. She saw “a very angry man.”

That section is and will continue to be, I think, blacked out for me. Like the hole in the pit of my stomach, my gut, my solar plexus? Raw, bleah, almost nausea? Like, not believing in? something. something.

Now as a Buddhist, as a human, I love now, I trust now. But there was a time several decades ago where I lost my sense of feelings and love and trust. It was just awful for everyone.

I painted these  clear sections defined by red, intense red, to delineate states of being, alters or personalities, right? and black could be depression. The gray/black zones, despair. The softer pink zones are where I am more tender and can feel intimate, vulnerable. It switches though, quickly, from one to another. You see? and it is sharp. Not cloudy. It is hard for me to express visually but I’m trying.

As my first attempt, I have already wanted to ditch the red lines and paint something mountainous and emotional. To paint something green and jungly and drippy. Something with wormholes and … you see?

This is just the beginning of something very big for me.

Today is a very hard day for me. I’m on the verge of my monthly cycle so my hormones are ignoring my medication and I’m wildly irritable. Also, they’re working on the farmhouse to prepare it for sale upstairs, sawing and hammering, and the dogs in the bag are barking lots. I have frenetic jazz, Miles Davis, going at the same time. agh. reaching out to friends is helping but I don’t feel like talking, just typing. Looking forward to counseling on Friday. Walking with a friend tomorrow.

Scream.

?

It is so incredibly beautiful today. I’m used to my medication taking care of things for me. Poor me. Ha. Breathe Amy, breathe, and this day will pass as any other and tomorrow will be a new one, possibly better. I am blessed.

I feel like curling up in a ball and painting.

Oh, and my 189 page screenplay is temporarily lost. Adobe Story is looking for it for me as we speak? Please wish them luck as a) I spent a good 2 years on that? and b) I just decided with my collaborator to make it into a trilogy? omg

omg

Some days there aren’t enough curse words. I feel like writing on FB: Please hug me lots. Rutro. ha.

ha. over and out. Tomorrow will be better. thank you for listening!!

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment