Vietnam Jungle IV – VII

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Working here still on the Chrome Green layers of the major foliage in the foreground, to the far left, then following up with the defining Sap Green layers, interstitially.

This morning I just did a bit of work in Sap Green, to define the gray branches a bit more, and mixed up two blue-green, green-blue shades, one with some Titanium White in it, which I will use exceedingly sparingly.

Yesterday I met with the yoga instructor and I am so psyched to do my sequence of Sun salutations, and other poses today. However, my neck is still very cricky to the stretch, and my left lower back also is restrictive, so I’ve already done Cat/Cow several times since rising, like five times? Just to release myself from severe, cramping pain. Ugh. So, I’m getting things done communications-wise and painting, etc. and then will rest, and then do my sequence, because it is the real deal. Hee.

I also will be keeping a journal of how things go for the next month with yoga and my body and soul (for that “matter”) until I see her again on February 10. I’m so incredibly psyched, but we did about two hours of instruction yesterday, so that did a number on me. I’m not going to overdo the sequences today.

That being said, I’m very excited about the painting, and all kinds of stuff.

I’m just finding out today, for example, that possibly up to 8 of my 2010 industrial fotos will be in a group show in NYC! More details as I have them, okay? You will know! So psyched about getting those out there!

Then, internally, I was telling the yoga instructor yesterday about how I kind of live meditatively because of PTSD/DID. I live in an edgy room of sorts. I mean, I accidentally slammed the bathroom counter door yesterday or something and the noise just killed my nerves momentarily. That’s how on edge I am, just about sounds. Just, sound. So you can see, all sound, but music, movies, LIFE affects me in every single way. I pick up everything. All the time.

So I do things as quietly and carefully as I can, including thinking, so these alters and flashbacks that come up, voices, what have you, dialogues — agh — when they are sudden, which is almost ALWAYS — put me on edge just about 24/7 — so I decided some 10 years ago to try to breathe my way through this every moment, one moment, one day at a time.

It’s hard.

I’ve had a lot of practice. Sometimes I’m better than others.

Today, for some reason, I thought, Why not have an inner elysium?

Now it’s a common Buddhist belief that the body is a temple, and that we are divine, inside, somewhere, somehow …

But inside me, I’m on edge, right? Everyone in fact, the yoga teacher reminded me yesterday, has a monkey mind.

I don’t have the loops, the racing thoughts I associate with the monkey mind, my monkey mind of yore, thank ye gods and me and medication and lots of breathing and cognitive thought modification I have done with counseling, etc. I mean, really. I am the only one who truly knows this.

Now it’s a colorful world of images and wordplay and children and college students and what not, who not — but there are some upsetting/upset people in here too — anger, depression. My anger is most annoying and can be sharp. I don’t like it at all. Depression. Oh, I can deal with that any day.

But the anger being sharp — it can be hurtful. So I’ve been talking to it and telling it that there is no reason to be hurtful, and every reason to just be angry, just that. To be fiery. To feel.

Not that it’s evil — it just thinks the word “slap” — but I can’t stand it — so I massage it with nicer words. Much nicer words. It likes inner elysium very much. Wouldn’t you?

That, my friends, is direct cognitive behavior management, right there. On the spot. With an alter or something. We’re not exactly sure what that one is but I’m working on her.

And the thought of inner elysium brings up all kinds of trippy, art deco, 1928 black and white but with color somehow version of Midsummer Night’s Dream, don’t you know. Oh, my.

And the eternal beach …

so things are going well today …

but when I look at my face in the mirror, I look as though I’m working very hard on something, so it’s not easy breezy just yet …

you can’t build elysium in a day, or even a decade, apparently — hee

… cheers to your inner world, and what you make of it today … Namaste …

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
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