Ready to Live III – I

DSC_4033This has taken a great deal of work today to get this far. Those long V stripes are done with a medium sized bright brush and are rather folky I must admit. So be it. However, I do like the medium sky blue outline I accomplished at last for the butterfly.

I did some great deal of wee research, wee meaning I felt wee doing it, under the covers, wondering at the marvelous powers of the internet on my Blackberry, by simply typing “butterflies” and receiving such extraordinary results as the yeoman’s work as the following site:

http://www.butterfliesandmoths.org

um, wow

researching what wondrous colors I should consider for my dream butterfly …

Woke for the third day in a row, depressed and not wanting to get up a) sick and congested b) a stranger in a strange land, exiled from my “original home” and not wanting to go there at all which is an odd of odd and hellish feeling foster kids must feel often, c) it being post-Christmas, and d) pre New Year’s.

Fortunately, I’m excited about the New Year.

However, I could not budge. Harumph.

It took some great deal of nudging on my part(s).

I read a great article last night thankfully and somewhat confusingly in Yoga Journal about aging. It might be a bit easier for Singletons (this means you, Not Bourbon 🙂 mwah! and a hug!) because … see below …

The person in the article was identifying with the things that change, i.e., in this case, her wrinkling face. Alas, I can identify. Although I look young for my age and am combating this with COQ10. Thank you gene pool. 🙂 Ahem. Still, my bones and joints ache like the dickens and here I can relate verily and then and there again alot and then some more some! So! And the cold! and stuff! that bugs me! about aging. Or other things that I would like to distance myself from ad infinitem. et al. …

So. the need for the meditative stance … the observer… The article is lovely to point out that you could go to some lovely memory from childhood.

Ahem.

or some lovely place in the house … ours is crammed to the gills with art …

Ahem.

So I opted for my Observer Meditative delicate place space such as she is …

Then I realized how crazy delicate and changeable I am internally and how much easier that is for Singletons, relatively compared to someone with 20 odd personalities, and then I fell asleep

and awoke depressed, et al.

My counselor and I discussed at some short length today among other exile related things today, mostly exile/holiday related things — but

I’m kind of used to the changey inner presto here again there again inner world type of thing

It’s always different.

I rarely get stuck on one thing.

But I would like to be able to meditate more from the Observer Space more again like I used to. So … Peaceful there. Build a nice space there again and detach from aging and pain and stuff. So there is a growth from the article, room to grow there.

Looking forward to snow tomorrow.

Looking forward to flight in the New Year. Tonight in my dreams. Colors on my wings. Always.

About amyjacksoncc

I am a professional artist, writer and musician creating from my home studio. To view my artwork, visit http://www.amyjackson.cc
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